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Review:Daniel says:
Hello,
this is my first review of your story. First sorry for my English but its definitely not the best. I'm german.
I've read a lot of Albus storys. He's my favourite character for next gen storys.
I really like your story. Your main plot was very good. Dora really was a surprise. I also like the part of Scorpius in this story. They are not best friends from the first part in this story. They come along and it will be interesting to see if they will become friends, or enemys or something else.
But I have a few suggestions what I didn't like about your story. It is my personal opinion, so if you don't like thm it will be okay :D It is your story and not mine.
Nearly the hole story was about the main plot. We haven't seen a lot other stuff. What did they do in other classes then herbology or potions. I think there was no jinx, charm or curse in this whole story. And this story is about magic.
Also I like to see more everyday life.
Then about Albus: From your story I don't know lot about him. His special abilites, his strength, his weaknings.
Rose. While reading I often thought that this Story is more about her then Al. I know it's more from Al's POV but Rose nearly solves all problems and riddles. For me she is a Mary Sue. I haven't seen weaknesses. Al is dependent on Rose. I would like to see that Al does more of his own. More about his thoughts, more about his feelings.
I hope you can understand and it will perhaps help you.
I hope your second story will come soon. Will there be a mainplot which all storys will follow. Like Voldemort in the Harry Potter books? I haven't seen anything like this in your story. But I'm curios.
Thanks for your story and keep on writing ;-)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review. And your English is excellent. I studied German in secondary school, but no way could I write a review that detailed in it.

You're probably right about the mystery dominating the story a little too much. I always feel my readers will get bored if I go on about ordinary things too much, but maybe I should try and get in a bit more in Year 2.

Hmm, I hadn't thought of the story being more about Rose than Albus, but yeah, Albus does look up to her quite a bit (and to James too). That's more about Albus than her. He tends to doubt himself and just trust other people, which doesn't always work out for him, since Rose doesn't always make the best decisions - her accusations of James and Scorpius for a start.

You're right actually. I could focus a little more on her weaknesses and let her belief in herself and her lack of tact come back to bite her more often.

There is a sort of loose "main plot". I've only planned as far as Year 4, so what's going to happen after that, I've no idea, but Year 2 will reveal Blackburn's secret and Dora will continue to play a part. Then, well, I can't really talk about Years 3 and 4 without giving away some stuff about the ending of Year 2, but basically there will be some similar people involved. The Notts will be significant for all four stories. There won't be any Dark Lords or anything though.


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