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Review:Trundlebug says:
This is an excellent first chapter and I will definitely be reading the rest of this interesting story. I love that it's OC, a personal favorite of mine. And you have the mystery and intrigue that I also crave.

Your writing is crisp and well-presented, and I am very jealous of what you have accomplished here. You have a gift for clean and neat descriptions that are not near as cluttery as my own. Everything blends in well, creating a nice vehicle for the story you are telling me.

Criticisms.well they are hard here, but most people want some. I guess it's a bit short, but not overly so. Really that's a minor thing because you present a lot of information into that tight space. Really I have nothing negative to say about it, except that I am only just discovering your little tale.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review! :D

I will tell you a small truth: When I wrote this chapter, it was simply because I really wanted to put SOMETHING up on the archives for the first time. I pounded it out with no planned direction, and then I read it over and thought, "Eh, I might as well submit it." In my head, it has become a massive story, with twists and turns in every direction. On the computer, however, it is just two measly chapters and a whole lot of planning. I'm so glad that the first chapter made you want to read more, and I hope that I can write the third chapter... One of these days. :)

Clean and neat descriptions?! Thank you! I always feel like I don't put enough description in my writing, but in this chapter, I really wanted to establish an air of mystery. Even now, this story is so mysterious that I don't know where it's going to end up! :P

It is a VERY short chapter, but I'm hoping to make up for that with much longer chapters in the future (if I get any written, that is!). I've tried to go back and add a few meaningful descriptions, but nothing really seems to fit without breaking up the flow of the words. :)

Oh, don't worry about only just discovering this story. I'm kind of an underground writer at this point--I haven't really been heard of much, and that's okay. What I really love is when people leave me such marvelous comments and compliments as you have done.


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