Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:UnluckyStar57 says:
Hello! I'm here with the review you requested a little while ago. :)

So, I liked how you added in the Red Nott, and made him "not like the other Nott." It really gives a unique twist to the story, and it might help Albus realize that he's just fine being a different sort of Potter than the other Potters. It was also interesting that you placed Lily and Rose in the garden of flowers--but the flowers that they were weren't the same as their names. It was a very good parallel between Wonderland and the Potterverse. :)

Just a bit of CC:

You've got a lot of spelling mistakes and several misused words in this chapter. I would strongly recommend getting a beta reader to help you spot all of the little things that you might miss after a day of hard writing. It will take off some of the stress of having to edit a chapter by yourself, and it will make the chapter easier to read and understand.

In this second chapter, I see your characters starting to become hybrids of Wonderlandians and the Potterverse, but I still think it needs more contrast. How can you make the Wizarding World not only FIT into Wonderland, but MESH with Wonderland and make its own new trails? What can be taken from the Wizarding World to add to Wonderland, and how can those two differing concepts become united? It's all in the imagination, I think, and the crazy things the human mind can come up with. Just let your imagination fly free--you don't have to stick solely with the plot of Alice in Wonderland, and in this type of story, you don't have to rely entirely on the Harry Potter canon. I would suggest making up your own new thing and incorporating it in to Albus' journey. Give it a try--it might fuel and inspire your writing. :)

That's about all I have, except just a thing that I've noticed: In the title of the first chapter, the word "exelent" is supposed to be spelled "excellent." The chapter title is always the first thing I read, so it would be nice if it could be fixed. :)

Anyways, this is a very interesting concept, and I wish you luck in continuing it. :)

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: I actually just got a beta and they are currently looking over this chapter to (ATLpaintingflowers has her work cut out for her ha) but I am taking your advice into consideration because lets face it; Wonderland was a crazy high-trip...
I will probably go back and edit later chapters too just to add a better flow and create more interest for the reader.
Thanks for your time
XOXOXO,
LLG


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 246
Submit Report: