Hi Kiana! This story looked interesting and I love BCJ so I'm here to leave a "thank you" review for you :)
I love the very childlike feel of the first section, where Barty pictures his father's papers as being like playing cards and is more preoccupied with the interesting room than his father's harsh reaction. I also liked the mention of him being close to Winky, as that was a great touch to add from canon.
The section on the train was kind of interesting. On the one hand, I'm a little surprised the other kids were so forward about their association with Voldemort--though obviously kids often say things that adults would know better to keep quiet :) On the other hand, I really liked the ending where Barty discovered that other people also view his father as harsh. I'm sure it would be difficult and eye-opening to experience that on his first day.
That third section was so heart-wrenching, especially this line: you hope that one day, when you need him, he will be there for you. I can't help but think of the courtroom scene where Barty Sr. totally denied his relation to his son, and I wonder if Barty would have felt this way then.
I liked the fourth section a lot because it really shows how Barty would have found it logical to join the Death Eaters based on the way his father has always treated him. I think it's important to build that motivation into a story like this because you have to wonder how someone from that kind of family could have fallen so far from the tree. I guess in my head canon Barty is a little older than the Marauders, maybe between Bellatrix's age and their class, but I don't know for sure about that.
The fifth section was powerful, too. Clearly Barty is looking for a father figure and it's a little sad how easily Voldemort was able to draw him in and comfort him. It just goes to show you how much he was hurting inside. The bits about Voldemort trusting him and them having in common the lack of a good father figure were especially intriguing.
I felt very confused in the sixth section, but in a good way, because I felt like I could resonate with Barty's feelings. Does that make sense? Haha. It was like he was blending his father and Voldemort in ways that were scary and yet exhilarating. You did a nice job dealing with a difficult moment there.
The whole scene with the Longbottoms was super chilling, especially the way they just kind of stopped responding verbally to the torture and just took it with their bodies. I wonder what Barty would have thought if he had encountered baby Neville during the attack? I liked the reluctance you built into his character throughout that scene.
Yep, as I suspected, Barty held onto his father until the last minute, and what a crushing disappointment he experienced there. I could really see the final stage of his deterioration and loss of innocence there and you just brought it home beautifully.
One more note I want to make--I really thought you did a fantastic job threading the theme of Barty being on the periphery throughout the piece. I could probably read it again just with that theme in mind and get a whole new experience out of it. It's my opinion that a good one-shot needs a strong theme and you really accomplished that here.
I just want to add that I love getting your reviews and I appreciate you going through my work and putting up with my long author's notes and always giving me a lot to think about with each new chapter. You're awesome and also really, really talented! I totally loved this story!
Author's Response: Hi Amanda! Thank you so much for leaving this fabulous review and thank you again for the recommendation!
I'm really glad that you liked the childhood sections of the story. I had a lot of fun writing them as I don't often delve into minds that young, but it's made me want to do it more often! I can see why you thought it was a little forward, and I was worried about it too, but I really couldn't find any other way around it!
I'm really glad that you picked up on that line, because I couldn't help but feel a little evil when including it because I feel Barty may have actually thought that and it makes his life all the more tragic.
I really enjoyed the fourth section because I always wondered why he had joined up because it's possibly even more confusing than Snape doing so, so it was great to explore it. I never really thought much about his age, it's just that referred to him as young in the books so I guess that's why I made him younger than the Marauders.
I find the idea of Voldemort being seen as a father figure a little terrifying but with people like Barty I suppose it makes sense, so it's great that you found it intriguing! I'm glad that you found the sixth section confusing in a good way, because someone said it was confusing in a bad way so I had to go and re-edit it, so it's nice to see it paid off!
I thought about including Neville in the scene because it would have been interesting, but as canon never mentions it, I thought it would be best to avoid including it!
Of course Barty would hold onto his father until the end! I couldn't let him give up that easily, because I imagine himself to be like him if I was in a situation like that, and that's what I would do. Plus, it would kinda go against canon if I didn't :P
I'm so glad that you found the one-shot had a theme because that's what I was thinking of when writing it, so to hear it came through strongly made me smile so much :D
I enjoy reviewing your chapters as they really are excellent and reading your author's notes are interesting too! I hope to get to it soon! Thank you for all the lovely compliments and I'm so glad that you loved it! ♥