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Review:marauderfan says:
I'm glad you requested a review on this because I adore Fred and George! :D I was already laughing 3 paragraphs in when George refers to Fred as "Gred". And then when he introduced himself to the girls as Fred. So the characterisation of the twins was good. I think they might have joked around a bit more, but I suppose even mischief makers have to take things seriously once in a while too!

You asked about description as well. The description of the WWW shop is really well done, the way you add in little details among the dialogue. The rest of the story wasn't quite as descriptive, but it probably doesn't need to be if you don't want to: after all, we already know what Privet Drive and Grimmauld Place look like.

As for the story flow, I think you did it really well. The plot twist was a nice touch too - when Harry told them what had happened I realised they'd accidentally helped the wrong side, which was a neat thing to add. I agree with your A/N - it is easy to see how the twins could have been tricked because they were so eager to join the Order.

But... I'm not sure if the way it came about was quite believable. First of all I think the twins would exercise a bit more caution after receiving a vague message about dark activity, from people they don't know, particularly after Voldemort had just come out into the open.

Also, I wondered why the girls needed Gred and Forge's help at all. Clearly the Death Eaters already knew what to expect and when, because they wrote it in the note, so why did they need the twins?

Those critiques aside, I liked this piece. For being one of the first stories you ever wrote, it is really great! Nice job :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

I'll see if I can't add in a little more of their jokes and a little more description in the latter half of the story.

I think you've pointed out what didn't feel right about this story. I will have to think on how to make it a little more believable. Perhaps instead of strangers, people they know in the DA that might have the connections?

I'll think a little more on this question also about why they needed Fred and George's help when they knew when and where. One answer that comes to mind is that it would be unremarkable if Fred and George were discovered by the Order to be in the area but it would be a different outcome altogether if one of the known Death Eaters were found by accident.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!


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