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Review:peppersweet says:
Review tag!

Okay, I couldn't resist. Your summary was just so good. This looks like a most intriguing story (and I have a bit of a soft spot for Crookshanks).

Haldwin is Crookshanks' brother?! Well, that's a wee bit of a plot twist! CROOKSHANKS IS ACTUALLY A MAN?! Wow. I love this. That made me chortle. The utter seriousness of Crookshanks' - er - Hyildibart's letter is hilarious.

I love the idea of Hermione coming to terms with the fact that her cat is actually a man. The line about the scenario being like something out of the Quibbler is actually really interesting - I think JKR introduced Luna as a foil to Hermione? You know, Luna being the one with 'faith' and Hermione being the skeptic. So it'll be really interesting to see how Hermione overcomes her skepticism to help Crookshanks, I mean, Hyildibart.

I've got a couple of suggestions I hope you don't mind me making. The first is that the spacing in this chapter is a little skewiff; because you're using line breaks, you don't need to indent each paragraph. Also, the number of line breaks you use is a little irregular. Just a double return between each paragraph is plenty! I also think it might be worth reconsidering some of your word choices in that first paragraph. Your writing is sublime, and with very little mistakes, but sometimes I think you use a slightly more complex word when a simple one would work better. 'just being inside his house lent credence to her earlier assertions on the manís apparent laziness and sheer lack of taste', for example. I'm not sure 'assertions' quite works here, maybe 'assumptions'? Or, later in that same passage, 'how he had survived for this long in such unsanitary environs.' 'Environs' stuck out like a sore thumb to me - 'conditions' might be a better substitute. This is just a matter of personal taste, but I know that when I was reading these words kind of jarred and disrupted the flow a bit.

Great start, and a fantastic idea! ♥

Author's Response: Yeah I certainly plan on revising it a bit. I wrote it quite some time ago and haven't really looked back on it much sense.

The spacing was totally due to the word processing program I was using at the time and it didn't really import properly.

Thanks for the insightful review.


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