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Review:LilyLou says:
LilyLou here with your requested review!

Okay, lets get down to business.

-Your spacing throughout your chapters is all uneven. It's an OCD of mine. Some won't be bothered by it, but I am, just a tad.

-In Chapter Three, when Carrington and Elle set up their prank, you need to elaborate more! I was excited to read about it; but it was very vague. Add in amusing details. Make the reader want to read more about your story! Don't let them think it's too vague to find interest in.

-You seem to get through the story quickly. Your first chapter seemed to elaborate well, but as you move on, you become more and more vague. I go through again and again and again to add details to my writings- and I still come off a little vague! The best thing I can think of you to do would be to go through and revise your story- keep along the plot line that you've written now- it's great!- but add details in on some parts that you think are vague. Really look at your writing, as if it were someone else's and not your own. Ask for other Requested Reviews from others on the Forums- they can help you with this problem as well. It's still a good story, but we want you to exceed expectations!(:

-When they were talking to Fred, you had his complete focus on Elle- and then he randomly spoke to Carrington. That's fine- it's just that Elle was speaking to Fred, and he was responding, until in the middle of it, he spoke to Carrington. It was a bit confusing. Very minor, easy to fix.

It's a great story so far, LittleLionGirl, it truly is. Keep it up, and don't let anything anyone says discourage you! That would be giving up; don't give up. You have an amazing gift that's just beginning to shine through. Keep it up!

Keep writing!

-Janelle(:

Author's Response: I am very sorry for my spacing.. I just tend to roll with it because I only ever view these before I post them and I never look at it again so sorry.
As for the prank I am sorry I will go back eventually and add more detail. I put in about two hours literally for each chapter and then posted it. Hence the typos that will need addressed.
For Fred I originally had him staring at Carr the whole time and then cut it out because he sounded too creepy.
Thanks for the complements and CC. I think I will stick with this story for a long time because in a way it is my own.
XOXOXOX,
LLG


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