Hey, LilyLou here with your review request!
I've decided to leave two reviews; one now, one in chapter four. I was going to leave just one, but this chapter requires one of it's own, I think!
Okay, so first off, the pros-
-I enjoy the humor of your story. I like how you make your character light and happy, along with clumsy and crazy. It's a cliche character; I love it.
-You elaborate well. Some authors don't care to elaborate much, and throw you into something leaving your brows furrowed. There were a few things (Like Albus asking her out in third year) that you maybe could have mentioned beforehand, so we at least had an idea that he may possibly liking her, rather than asking her out of the blue.
-Don't take this the wrong way. I am not very gifted in the grammatical section myself, though there were a few typos within the two chapters so far. Like when you said "James I've known you for twelve years. You never apologize." She was talking to Dear Ole Alby, not James. Just a very minor thing that's a common mistake, though I figured I'd point it out!(:
-I think Carrington's name changes every other sentence. I'm not sure if she has multiple nicknames, or if you're mistyping, but there were parts where you called her Carrie, and others where you called her Carly, and so forth. It's alright; I've seen it before. I still think you're perfectly fine!(: Just a minor mistake. Easily fixed, if you ask me.
-The OOC on Albus is a bit prominent. One second, they absolutely despise of one another, and never had any past of romantic relationships, and the next second he's asking her out. It was all a bit confusing; it left my brows furrowed (Gosh, I love to say that. It's funny- brows furrowed... Sorry, back on topic!:D.) A fix to this would be easily fixed by going back through your FIRST chapter and revising it so you can mention that in third year Albus had, in fact, taken a fancy of her. Let the readers know beforehand, so they aren't confused later. Confusing can chase away readers, and we certainly don't want that!
So far, it's a good story. I hope I haven't offended you in any ways- don't be! I'm glad I can return the favor of reviewing for you after all of Dragon Wings, Love-Bites, and Something To Do With Marbles you've reviewed on, as well as my one-shot Fragile. You're the reason I've been working on that one-shot quite recently- thank you!
Author's Response: Thank you for enjoying my humor- most of that is something that resembles my thoughts during actual conversations.
Carrie, Carr, Carly are just multiple nicknames I gave her; I tend to do that to everyone so I apologize but it was intentional as to not have you read the same name over and over and over again
As for Elle- she is me though and through but clumsier...
For Al I think it was a hate- then love and then hated her because she denied the famous Al Potter..
Chasing away readers? Usually I do that with a large stick...I am kidding- kind of.
I am glad you are continuing with your story :)
Thanks for the review!