Gah, Val, this chapter is beautiful! You've captured such different characters perfectly, and so in depth, I feel like I've known Eloise all my life! These two totally different people have so much in common, and they're so similar, and this chapter is just bursting with awesomeness!
Firstly, how original is it of you to format it this way?! You show the reader first Eloise, what she's like, her friends, her character, so we can have an overall opinion of her. She's witty, funny, clever, but I love the way you did interwine a bit of doubt there. Like how she feels overwhelmed a bit by Voldemort. I also feel that you describe Hufflepuff in such a lovely way; in my head it's always been a loyal hard working house, and you really showed the best of the Puffs, and did a great job of capturing what Hufflepuff is like in such a unique way.
Secondly, the whole way through I was gripped. There's nothing more horrible than a boring story, and this my friend, was at the other end of the scale, It's really hard to keep readers when you're talking about, well characters hahah, but nothing much is going on, but to me you were talking about riveting life and death situations. The perfect well thought out structure is so easy you can just slip in to those lines and read and read. From the very first line, you get dragged in, and can I just say I LOVE her mother! Quirky engaging lines like that just grab your attention and don't ever let go.
Lastly, the way you introduce Cormac is so brilliantly done. I love the you asked a question in 3rd person, and the way you started it off "Cormac was having a foul day." I love the way he reacts to the banter, and the way he is seething about it - you describe his anger really well, and it's awesome to see how he reacts and see the chemistry between them. It's going to be interesting to see how this works out. The way he's quite..err.. arrogant and self righteous is really fun to read, too, and he's a strong funny character!
What an awesome chapter, Val, I can't wait till the next one, and I'm sorry it took me so long to review such a wonderful story.
Author's Response: WHAT HOW DO I RESPOND TO THIS.
Okay. You liking Eloise and feeling like you've known her your whole life is without doubt the highlight of my day -- and let me tell you that I waded my way out of a thunderstorm two hours ago.
I once took an online Sorting quizz that sent me to Hufflepuff. I honestly don't think I'd go there (I'm not a particularly nice human being on a regular basis, if you really must know), but nonetheless I value the qualities associated to the house. Besides, I am fed up with Hufflepuff being the house for the characters you don't know what to do with.
Helen is quite cool, yes. Not that Eloise always agrees with that, but she doesn't know what's good for her.
Cormac is a lot of fun to write about, though he really needs a Bludger to the head to reduce the size of it! The chemistrh between the two is going to be interstin to see develop, yep.
Thank you so much Sophie (and pah, what is this about apologising? You don't even need to review in the first place!) ♥