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Review:KiwiOliver says:
Hullo, KiwiOliver back again with your RR:
Overall a fun chapter, quite well written (there are a couple of minor grammar mistakes, nothing major but maybe send it off to a Beta on the forums? Or check out the Grammar guidelines section, feel free to PM me if you can't find it).
I like your characters, they seem really believable and real, the only thing I wasn't too keen on was James' line about being fat. I found it a bit rude and it wouldn't be the type of line someone would say without reason, I suppose you could always develop the reason later :) So it's not a biggy.
I liked how your protagonist has flaws, she's clumsy and gets injured a lot :p it makes her more human and really adds to the story. :)
Your writing style is really nice and I don't remember if I mentioned this last time but, I really like the side comments from Eilley :)
I'll review your other chapters in due course :) So see you soon!
KO

Author's Response: Thanks! I knew there were some mistakes somewhere.. I think I'll ask for a beta because I really dislike seeing my own carelessness..
As for James. When I think of James I think if he doesn't like you he won't be shy about it- but the reason will me more in depth later maybe..
As of the clumsy behavior: that is how I feel some days when I am overly dramatic AND do things like trip up the stairs...
Thanks for liking the side comments haha, normally I have similar thoughts in my head so they were easy to add in :)
XOXOXO,
LLG


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