|Review:||teh tarik says:|
Nope, not a Gryffindor, but a Hufflepuff here, reviewing! :P
Well, I certainly did not expect that. :O Lavinia, killed in the Battle of Little WHinging, and by her own kind as well? I have so many questions, honestly. Why was there such an elaborate set-up to stage her death? The Dark Lord is capable of making people disappear without a trace, of kidnapping people e.g. Bertha Jorkins. What sort of information was she transmitting to the Dark Lord? Most importantly, what on earth was that secret that got her killed? And what exactly did Astoria do? Argh, so many questions.
This was such an exciting chapter. This line was brilliant, by the way: The Dark Lord was a menace, not only to the Muggle-lovers, but to his own followers, and she would not be so stupid as to go down that path. Honestly, it made me see the Death Eaters in a radically new light, and how some of them might realise that following Voldemort is probably not as great as it first appeared to be.
I'm beginning to enjoy the interactions between Draco and Astoria. The wryness, the perceptiveness about each other, the coolness - these are all very fitting things that go well with Draco/Astoria. And I can't wait to see how things further develop between them. After all, Astoria is technically working against Draco and the Dark Lord.
Lavinia Greengrass is such an interesting and morally ambiguous character. This ambiguity about her makes her so complex and fascinating; she's incredibly manipulative and clever, but she's also proud, arrogant even, and frustrated that her skills aren't recognised because of her gender. And these are all traits which may have led her to tread in dangerous territory, which ultimately led to her downfall.
If I may offer you a spot of constructive crit, this chapter was very information heavy. It's all incredibly tense and intriguing, but somehow, the fact that there were more flashbacks, or rather reflections of the past, instead of events happening in real time (Draco and Astoria's meeting), did slow down the story pacing a little. My advice is to cut out some of the more static information and reveal them in later parts of the story, at appropriate moments. Or perhaps you could expand the chapter a little, add another scene of events happening in the present (in 1998), to balance out things a little between past and present.
Anyway, I hope you don't mind the concrit, eep! I did really enjoy this chapter, and I think your writing is wonderful. :D Great work, and I hope you update soon! ♥
Author's Response: I do not mind constructive criticism at all! In fact, I welcome it, so feel free to tell me anything at all!
I think you are quite right about chapter 2 being a bit overly informative, flashback-wise, especially since it does not actually center around either of the main characters. I will have to find a way to fix it--thank you for the excellent suggestions. I'll comb through it and see which fix would work best.
As far as the actual chapter content goes, thank you, also! I wanted Lavinia to sort of show how people who are noÃÂÃÂt inherently bad get set on the wrong path because they lack options. Maybe it's because *I'm* a Slytherin, but I haÃÂÃÂve always felt a bit bad for some of the Death Eaters. I mean, sure, some were just awful, but others had to have had their reasons. Sometimes, people do awful things, but their motives are noÃÂÃÂt as bad as we might think (there is a very subtle hint there for later on).
As for the rest of Lavinia's story...muahahah, who knows what will be found out, and what will remain a mystery? But I can promise you that more will be revealed!
The next chapter is in the queue, so keep a look out! Thank you again for the lovely review. I really appreciate it.
P.S. Hufflepuffs are marvellous!