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Review:UnluckyStar57 says:
Hi! I'm here with the review you've requested. :)

I really liked getting a good look into the lives of the twins now that they're older. It was interesting to see how things had changed: how their mother had died and their father still ran the bakery. When they got to Shell Cottage, I could also see how this is going to become a Hugo/OC--subtle hints there! :)

The wedding was lovely, and it was good to meet Roxie, Rose, and Hugo. I like the idea of the color scheme!

There are just a few tips that I have about the overall story:

~You have several fragments in this chapter, ones that could easily be added to preceding sentences to help them fit in with the paragraph a bit better. I find that sometimes too many fragments chop the paragraph up and it doesn't flow quite as smoothly as it should.

~You also have several grammar/spelling/punctuation mistakes:

*"Staying at the Weasley's house is now kind of a tradition for Trent and I."~Here, "Trent and I" is actually incorrect. It should be "Trent and me." I know it's confusing, but a good rule of thumb for these situations is to say the sentence with just the pronoun to make sure it makes sense.

So, "Staying at the Weasleys' house is now kind of a tradition for I." versus "Staying at the Weasleys' house is now kind of a tradition for me."

Also, when there is a group of Weasleys, and they possess something, the apostrophe comes after the pluralization of "Weasley."

So, "Hugo Weasley's coat" versus "the Weasleys' house."

*"the channel's"~When something is plural, it does not need an apostrophe. So, if there is more than one channel, that becomes "channels." Same with "fathers" and a few other plural words.

Also, if something belongs to someone, the person it belongs to gets an apostrophe. So, "bride's side," etc. Grammar is a very nitpicky business, but I find that it makes a story go from being good to being really good, because there is less confusion of meaning. :)

*"when we wear twelve"~This is just a case of "wear" being "were" instead. Fashion models wear clothes. They were twelve. Where are you going? We're going to the beach. Lots of confusion, I know! :)

*"shell cottage"~When a proper noun pops up, it needs to be capitalized. So Shell Cottage is the place where they went. If a place is generic, then it can be lowercase. (They went to a cottage by a beach.)

*I also noticed some spelling mistakes that sometimes made things unclear. Might I suggest that you request a beta reader on the forums? One of those can really help you, by pointing out errors and making suggestions about various parts of the story. Also, if you ever feel stuck on a chapter, it's good to have someone to bounce ideas off of, and to encourage you. :)

...I know that this seems like a lot of stuff to take in, so I'm sorry about that! I just think that this seems like a really cool idea for a story, and it could be just that much more amazing if a few things were tweaked a little. The twins seem like really cool characters, and I can't wait to see how they develop as the story progresses.

This was a really good chapter!! Keep on writing! :D

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Thank you for point out all the spelling mistakes as I don't mean to make them my brain just doesn't always compute things like a normal person. So don't worry about it as it actually helps me a lot! Though I do have a beta reader now so hopefully things i that area will pick up!

Though I'm glad you like the twins and picked up on those hints too as I put them there for a reason! Hopefully as you said this story will improve as my grammar does!

~Hallows


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