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Review:KiwiOliver says:
KiwiOliver here with your RR:
From go I must say that I came into this story with high hopes (I love stories about minor characters).
And I need to say that even if my hopes were ten times higher, you not only met, but surpassed them immensely with this first chapter. :)
The first paragraph is a really good set up, it gripped me from the first line of speech.
'Secrets are meant to be kept' - What a great line, I'm sat in awe imagining that as the opening line to a film trailer or something.
You've portrayed your protagonist really well, the fact she almost slips up and says 'thank you' was a really clever way to show us the type of person she is, without outright saying it while she is acting.
Your characters are brilliant, especially Astoria, you've obviously put a lot of hard work into creating her, and it's paid off! She's realistic, she knows the situation she's in and although it's hard she manages to get through it with in a really excellent way.
I think I like this story for two main reasons: (I like it for a lot of reasons but these are the two I'm going to say)
1. I like the fact that the opening section and the story summary have built it up, because of this I know there's something going on and it makes me itch to know what it is!
2. I already know how it ends. Well, kind of, I mean as long as you stay canon I do :p Because she ends up with Draco! and because of this I'm sat here reading your chapter and thinking how do they go from this, to that?
I'm sure you've got some amazing things in store for the rest of this story, and I hope I get the chance to find out what happens!
Feel free to re-request the next chapter, I'll probably be reading it anyway!

Author's Response: I really can’t thank you enough. That was so very encouraging.

I’m so glad that you like that first line. I was a tad iffy on the epilogue--*I* liked it, but I didn’t know if it would grab reader’s interest the way I hoped. I think the same way as you, I suppose, about the Dramatic Opening Words (I think you mentioned on your request thread that you’re a Film student? I study theatre and write scripts, so there’s probably some crossover there, in caring about getting the lines just right). If you ever review my stories in the future, I’d love it pointed out which lines sound natural and right and, just as importantly, which don’t. But I’m so glad that this one worked!

I’m also glad that you want to know the secrets Astoria’s hiding. That’s actually the highest compliment as far as I’m concerned--people caring what happens to your characters.

Thank you again for the incredibly thoughtful, detailed review.


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