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Review:KiwiOliver says:
KiwiOliver here with your RR:
Right off the bat I want to say that the use of second person is not something you come across often, and you've used it really well in this chapter.
To avoid saying things like 'in this chapter I really feel sorry for myself'
I'm going to refer to me, aka the protagonist, as Barty :p
But yeah, you built Barty up as a really solid well thought out character and you managed to make me feel pity for him. Which is a hard thing to do considering I started reading this fic with my own dislike for him.
I really liked the way Voldemort spoke to Barty in v. it really shows us how he managed to delude so many people into following his cause. It's really good :)
The part you wanted me to look at in particular (Viii) I think before that party it's obvious that he's loosing his strong feelings towards the Dark Lord, however, in the actual part, it seems like he's just so scared about whats happening. It's more like he's terrified of what he's doing and he doesn't really think about Voldy at all so that means you kind of have to go off his feelings before that. (I don't know if that makes any sense, it does in my head.)
What I'm trying (but failing) to say is:
I don't think it matters, in that particular section, how he feels towards Voldy. I think that it's obvious he's being dragged into a situation he doesn't want to be a part of and you've managed to write it out brilliantly!
I do think there's enough lead up and I think you've done just enough so that it's not boring, but not all at once. :)
Overall I think that this was a really good fic that made me feel a little differently towards a character that I originally didn't like.
I really liked it and I hope to see some more of your work :) feel free to request some more!
KO

Author's Response: Wow that was really quick! A really quick minor note, I really love your initials and I kept on thinking of boxing when I saw them!

This was the first time I wrote in second person and it was surprisingly fun, so it's great that you liked it! Haha, ok! Yay I made you feel pity! I had a pretty much non-opinion towards him beforehand so it didn't effect me too much, but I'm glad that you could combat your own dislike!

Don't worry, what you said did make sense! It was basically what I was trying to get at, but I really wasn't sure whether I made it to clear enough to the reader or not, so hearing you say that makes sense to me and made me really happy! I really loved your analysis of it and it was a lot of fun to read, as it made me look at it from a new perspective.

I wrote it brilliantly? Thank you so much, and it's completely got rid of my fears for that section! I'm glad that the lead up was fine, because I always find finding a line between dialogue and action hard!

I'm glad that you feel differently towards him, as it's nice to see he has a few more supporters! Thank you so much for this brilliant review, and when I need something reviewed I'll definitely come back :D

-Kiana


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