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Review:KiwiOliver says:
Review tag :)
Right off the bat this chapter had a great opening line, got me hooked instantly!
Only a few lines in I instantly like Flora, she seems like a solid, well thought out character. She's not a Gary-Stu who everyone likes, she has her flaws and she knows them. Which is brilliant :)
The part about sugary snakes made me laugh :) I genuinely thought that she had an awesome talent :p (Not that sugary snack finding isn't awesome, of course).
I like Scorpius too, he seems nice. (I like how he's in Hufflepuff, I always enjoy Scorp stories where he's in Huff/Rav).
Their relationship is awesome, they tease each other and frequently used made up words ('Zoomified' did have me confused the first couple of times :P) is awseome!
I really liked the line about why they're all Hufflepuffs, the end bit about Scorpius gave me a smile :)
THE TROLLEY LADY HAS A NAME!
In my few years of reading fanfiction, I do believe you're the first person to give the trolley lady a name! From now on I'll think of her as Agnes. (I'll probably end up calling her that in my stories too!)
The part where the Slytherins pushed the trolley over. I don't think I've ever frowned as hard in my life. I would tut if they could hear me. I don't like them. I like the way you put characters across, you made me hate three people in one push of a trolley.
Naww Albus is great, you made him great!
I can't wait to read on! (I'm adding this to my favorites and plan on reading it all!)
Overall the flow was brilliant. You consistently used the right mix of detail and action so that I wasn't confused or bored, you're characters were clear and I liked how they were all put across. I like how there was no spark, like in most love stories. I feel like I'm saying 'like' a lot so I'll try wrap this up soon.
My last 'like' was the fact Albus knew Agnes' name, that to me just shows that he is a nice character. Well, that and the fact he knew Flora's, and beat up bullies. You know...
Awesome chapter and I can't wait to read the rest!
KO

Author's Response: Hey! Ah, glad you like it so far! And I'm amused that you called Flora a Gary-Stu...surely she'd be a Mary-Sue, haha!

Fun fact: when I was younger, I used to play pretend that I was the lady with the trolley on the Hogwarts Express. I found a notebook recently that had 'orders' in it. So yes, of /course/ I had to give the trolley lady a name :P

Really glad you enjoyed it and thank you for reviewing! ♥


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