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Review:SilentConfession says:
Hey! Thank you so much for entering my challenge!

I just about cried when I read this because it makes me so sad to think of what Barty could have been given better circumstance. Given that the war wasn't there and his father wasn't obsessed with it. You made him vulnerable here, a boy who was forced into an adult world. He still needed his fathers love and approval and it was interesting to see how far a person can go just to be accepted and needed.

I liked how you described Voldemort. I've always seen him as someone who will make people feel included, needed. Almost fatherly, especially in the beginning when he's accepting new followers. That evokes more people to follow a leader blindly. More than just plain fear. Obviously a lot of his followers came from fear but I think a lot also came from him being able to accept them (Giants, werewolves for instance) and give them a place amongst his ranks. I think it's great that you decided to explore that and also show Barty's resistance to killing people. It shows that what he was doing was rebellion against his father and his need to find himself. He didn't find himself and he realized that in this because he knew that the acceptance was only to gain and groom more followers. More people to do Voldemort's dirty work.

The ending was great too. How it leaves in question what Barty is feeling and I think opens up Barty to becoming the man we know in GoF. His father did not save him, left him to rot in Azkaban and therefore he realizes what he was to his father. Dead. And he just reciprocates that and his father becomes dead to him. I think it completely destroys whatever was holding Barty back from being a complete maniac follower of Voldemort.

Also interesting was your mention of how he used his fathers use of Unforgiveables as being okay so it really wasn't bad to use them and it made both sides just as wrong as the other. I loved that little detail and I agree with it so much. If we can't show a better way to live rather than dipping to the level that the people we fight against than we don't deserve to be seen as the good side. Just a side fighting for power. Some may find it necessary but it's not showing the DE's, people who are leaving school, or children, that killing someone or torturing someone is wrong. As long as there's a 'reason' why you're doing it, it's okay.

Anyway, back to Barty. He was a victim and he let that dictate his actions. He could've been better, could've went another way, it was his choice to be what he was but he wasn't strong enough. This shows his weakness and i think you've done a great job at exploring that while exploring how the war can effect a family, and an individual.

The only thing i can mention is the first couple sentences in the first paragraph in vii was a bit awkward and confusing. I think i get what you're trying to say but it's just worded weirdly. Also the bit with Bellatrix and her storming into his flat seem a bit odd. Not that how you've written it wouldn't be how it happened. It's just, i guess i'd have liked to see some lead up to why she'd chose him of all the other DE's to come along with them to the Longbottoms. It seemed random as he's mentioned the feeling of acceptance had worn off from being included with the DE's so it leads me to think he wasn't a massive part of the movement. So why would someone like Bella think to call him to find Voldemort?

Those are just small things though. I think overall you've done a great job weaving this story together and showing the war through a characters eye and how it ruined this families life. Thank you so much for entering this challenge! It was lovely to read this! :)

Author's Response: Wow is all I can say to this review, and I'll definitely do my best to address all the points you said!

I'm sorry that I'm not sorry that I nearly made you cry! I never really thought much about Barty and then when given him to write about his life I realised how insanely tragic his life is mainly due to, like you said, what it could have been like and it really is interesting to ponder what he could have turned out to be.

I'm glad that you liked my description of Voldemort, because that's what I imagined him to be like to those people who weren't entirely sure about joining up, because giving them that comfort would make them want to stay. I'm glad that you liked the bit about him not wanting to kill others because I never thought he would be like that and it makes him even more vulnerable to a certain extent.

I'm so glad that you liked the ending, as I was really get nervous about them due to the climatic build-up to them. What you said about his father was really interesting as it almost shows that they are both as bad as the other due to Barty snr. giving up on his son and then his son turning into what he was.

I'm so glad that you loved the bit about the unforgivables because I think that was a really amazing theme JK included into the books and I really wanted to show it here. I completely agree with everything you said, and it shows with Harry because he never killed anyone but he still managed to defeat Voldemort, whereas others who did resort to those levels, such as Barty, suffered as a consequence.

Re-reading those sentences, I feel so stupid for not realising how awkwardly phrased they were beforehand. I'll definitely go back and make what I'm trying to say more clear and easy to read! I know what you mean about the Bellatrix scene because I felt as if something was missing from it but no one had said anything so I thought it might just be. I'll try and explain his feelings towards Voldemort and Bellatrix better and hopefully that will straighten out the section!

Thank you so much for this fantastic review, and I'm so glad that you enjoyed it! I'll be looking forward to seeing the results :)

-Kiana


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