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Review:SilentConfession says:
Hey! Thank you so much for entering my challenge!

This is an interesting premise you've started with. It's not something that gets explored a lot in fanfiction actually. The prison of Azkaban that sits lonely on top a rock. There is a lot of potential for this sort of story, especially in the horror/dark department considering the nature of the place. I think you capitalized on the eeriness and some of the darkness that surrounds the place. It kind of reminded me of Shutter Island actually with the lighthouse. With that image in my head it made the tension build quite a lot.

I'm also curious to know the significance of those items. If they were chosen at random or if they items mean something deeper for Kingsley or Dorian. But it seems like that room is going to play a massive role for the characters sanity. Did Kingsley find a old prison cell of someone from the past and he's experiencing time lapses to when they were kept there? You've introduced a lot of questions for your first chapter and that is a good thing as people are going to want to read on to figure out what's going to happen.

Dorian Rosier is an interesting character. He's tied to the Death Eaters but he's made the choice to not be part of them and fight on the other side instead. This is going to add a lot of tension into the story already. It makes me wonder if he is Dean Thomas' father? Anyway, I like that this bit of the story has a lot of potential to be developed in later chapters and I can see it playing a role when they actually get to Azkaban to do their interviewing.

Kingsley. He's younger here, more inexperienced. It is interesting to see him like this because we're used to the powerful, centered man of Kingsley and so having him now being plagued by ghosts? or plagued by his own mind adds an interesting twist to his characterization.

One thing i'd suggest is to break up your blocky paragraphs a little. It made it hard to read and detracted from the feeling of the story as i spent more time making sure i was reading the right line than just being immersed into the storyline.

I'd also say watch out for your dialogue a little. Some of it seemed a little forced and scripted. Dialogue is massively important as it can characterize a person just as much as action or description can so make sure that what they are saying also matches you images of the characters in your head.

This is an interesting start you have here and I like that it's exploring a theme that isn't explored very much in fanfiction. Great start! I'm glad i was able to read this!

Author's Response: thank you for reading this. i'm glad that you like the premise and i can guarantee that the more answers you'll get might lead to more questions.
yeah, what you said about the dialogue is true, i actually went back to reread it and it did sound forced and unnatural...i'll work on that in the future chapters.
Thanks for reading, i really appreciate it, and your challenge helped me get back into the hpff world cos i've been awol for some time now.
xx


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