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Review:UnluckyStar57 says:
Hi! I'm here with the review you requested. :)

Okay... I've never really seen a story written from Grindelwald's perspective. It was really interesting to see his dark thoughts after the duel between him and the Dumbledores.

And, though at first I was amused by the penguin, I soon began to find it. Majorly creepy. Was that your intention? It certainly added to the story with its creepiness, but it was so unexpected because it was like, "Whoa, a penguin! That's weird!" It was a great effect, but I must ask why: Why was it a penguin, specifically, except for the fact that it was a part of the challenge? Was it Ariana's stuffed penguin that she hugged as she died? Was it a penguin figurine that sat on Mrs. Dumbledore's mantelpiece? I'd like a little backstory on our penguin friend, and that might give it a little more legitimacy.

I thought that your language choice was very appropriate--dark and creepy, well enough. You had a lot of very strong sentences that added a lot to the overall scene of the story. However, after a full chapter of great diction and powerfully-crafted sentences, I found your last sentence to be a little less than the preceding ones. I would suggest rewriting the last sentence, flipping it around and breaking it up to see what kind of greater effect you can produce. :)

This was a really interesting/creepy/solid opening chapter! It will be quite cool to see what Draco and Regulus get up to!

~UnluckyStar57

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

Yes, I wanted this chapter to be creepy and haunting.

I'll revise the chapter to include more of a link between Ariana and the penguin.

I'll also work on that last sentence to make it stronger. Thank you for pointing it out!

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!


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