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Review:marauderfan says:
Hi! Thought I'd check out my competition in the death eater challenge, lol. And I'm really glad I did, because this was an amazing story!

I've never read much in second person narration (apart from "Choose your own Adventure" books) and I think it worked quite well here. It is more personal than third-person and more detached than first-person, which seems really appropriate for Barty Crouch Jr. - it's enough to get to know the character, but he's a rather detached character, so it's perfect.

I actually found myself feeling sorry for him. This is a great background you've written for Crouch jr and really explains his motives and how he ended up where he did, and he just got caught between a rock and a hard place, kind of forced into what he did because everyone else rejected him. His decision to join the ranks of Voldemort made perfect sense in his circumstances, how he wanted to be a part of something and have people care about him. It made me wonder how he would have turned out had his father not been so obsessed with bringing down Dark Wizards to notice that his son had become one.

The fact that Barty really liked Quidditch and just wanted to watch Quidditch matches with his dad made him so relatable (never thought that would be a word I'd use to describe Barty Crouch Jr, but there you have it). And he doesn't seem like an evil, crazy Death Eater, more like one who's scared of what he's got himself into, but won't show it for fear of being rejected again.

It doesn't quite fit with the Barty in GoF, but I guess 10 years in Azkaban will do that to a person.

Great work on this!! 10/10

Author's Response: Hi again! I never have the courage to check out the other entries until the results have been posted, but now you've making me want to read them!

I'm glad that you thought second person narration worked well here. I'm not really sure why I chose it, it just seemed the one which would fit the story and style of it most. I had never written in it before so it was a lot of fun to try out too!

I'm glad that you felt sorry for him as that's what I was aiming to do! I tried to chose a specific moment in his life but I couldn't as I felt I needed to explain all of it for the others to make sense and get a full picture of it and I'm glad that you thought it was great :D

I took the quidditch part from GoF when they're at the world cup and Winky said he always liked quidditch as I thought that was really sweet and it's great that you found it relatable :D

I know this is a different form of Barty that you seen in GoF like you said but I think Azkaban and his all-cosuming hate for his father changed him. Thank you for this amazing review, it really brightened my day!


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