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Review:Elphaba and Boyfriends says:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review!

First of all, I really like Scorpius's voice in this piece. It's refreshingly frank. I think your use of humor and characterization are strong overall, however, there are a couple of awkward moments near the beginning. The first one is here, where I'm not entirely sure who the dialog belongs to:
"'How many does a pack have? 24?! Ha! That would last me and-'

She stops dead."
I think this is Rose talking, but the paragraph break makes it unclear. What would have come after "and" if she continued to speak? I get the sense that she was about to say "you," referring to Scorpius, which is very subtle but funny once I figured it out. :)

The other odd bit is this remark: "'What, Malfoy? Like I asked you to.' She huffs." I'm just not sure how this dialog fits with what Scorpius said just before. I was expecting her to directly address his "clingy" remark.

The rest of their dialog in the piece works really well. The flirtatious barbs and they exchange are great:
"'Sweet Merlin, Rose. Why the hell didn't you cast a heat charm on yourself? It's freezing. And wet.'

'Thanks for the observation, Captain Obvious.'"

There is one more spot where it's not clear who it is speaking: "'So?'
The accusatory glance returns.
'Do you realize how frustrating it is when someone you still have feelings for randomly says that they've never been in a serious relationship since you rejected them? A decision you've regretted since.'" This is great dialog, and I'm pretty sure it's Rose speaking, but I had to read through it a few times to make up my mind. I would just remove the paragraph breaks to clear up the confusion.

I think the story flows very well. The scene breaks are well-placed, and I also like your inclusion of their backstory in the middle. It ties together nicely with the ending, when Rose says "yes," to a relationship.

This was fun to read, great job! :)

Author's Response: Hello Elphaba :)
Thanks for taking the time to review this! :)

I know stories are usually written from Rose's POV and not Scorpius'. I'm glad you liked this change :)

Thank god you got that slight joke! :P Maybe it's too subtle. But I didn't know how else to put it, so I continued with Scorpius trying to quickly divert the topic to her ex-boyfriend, Steve., so that it wouldn't be awkward!

Thanks for telling me that conversation flows well. I was a little worried about that!

And I've been meaning to edit this, because I get that the dialogues might be sort of confusing. You got that right though! It was Rose! :P

Thanks for reading and reviewing :)
Means a lot!


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