Hi! I'm here with the review that you requested! :)
Wow... Such a sad start to the story! James made some pretty drastic accusations of Lily, and I'm wondering if those were founded on truth. I'm guessing that I'll have to find out in other chapters, though, but I'm very curious to know exactly what--or who--brought on the spat between them. Poor James... He really wanted Lily to be his girlfriend for a long time, and now that he's got her, it's fallen apart. How long had they been dating? Will they get back together in the course of your story? I'd like to know! :)
The glimpse at Lily's family was really cute. I think that I like the Evanses. They seem like a very nice couple--complete opposites from the future Mr. and Mrs. Dursley. But how can they, being so nice and polite, just let Petunia get away with being a bit of a cow? Parental oversight, or just giving up from years of failed attempts? I'd like a little more insight on their relationship with their homely eldest daughter.
The flashback, though!!! It was really sweet, a nice moment between two sisters, but then BAM! Foreshadowing! That was kind of scary, the way it so perfectly fits the events that are yet-to-happen at the time of the flashback. And the fact that this is the conversation she's going to remember until she dies... Superb job of tying everything in together!
A few things:
At the time of James and Lily's break up, what time of year is it? What year are they in? You might clarify these points later on in the story, but I'd kind of like to know, just to have the scene set just a little more.
And why did the story switch gears from the break up to Lily's house? I think that it was really interesting, the way you presented it, but I would like to know several things about the switch: What was your motivation for doing that? Will Lily's house come into play as far as her and James' relationship? Will other chapters be set up similar to this one, with an event and then a different scene? It's all very interesting and different to me, so I'm quite intrigued by it!
Thanks for requesting a review. You've got the beginnings of a great story--it will be interesting to see where you take it from here!!
Author's Response: This actually made me smile so much when I first saw it, and I'm still smiling so much! Thank you UnluckyStar57! :D
Ah yes, those revelations will come to light later in the story. I don't want to spoil everything yet :P
Oh I'm glad you like the Evanses! You should - they're lovely people :) I think it's a combination of both parental oversight and failed attempts. As the saying goes, "you can lead a horse to the water but you can't make it drink". I guess in the case of Petunia and her parents - there's a limit to the number of things the Evanses can say to their eldest daughter. I'll try and incorporate some more insight regarding the Evanses relationship with Petunia in later chapters for you!
Aw thank you! I was hoping someone would get the foreshadowing, and it looks like you have! Yay *happy dance*
Haha yes, unfortunately I'm not going to say, because it'll ruin later events in the story. For now, I'll say it happens at Hogwarts, nothing further than that :P
I was hoping the switch would come as a complete shock to the reader, giving it an element of surprise! When you first start reading, it's all very intense (hopefully) with the sadness of the breakup. Then, just when you think everything has been sorted out, the story switches time and pace to the relative calm of the Evanses. I thought it would provide a nice contrast between the two scenes :) Hopefully I achieved this and that it doesn't make the story too disjointed!
It could possibly play a part in their relationship later on, you'll just have to read on and see :P As for the chapter set up, it could possibly happen, I haven't decided yet!
Thank you so much UnluckyStar57 for all your kind words and the questions, your feedback is so insightful :D