|Review:||800 words of heaven says:|
Hello, there! I think you request this review almost two months ago, now! But here it is (finally)!
Haha! I'm sorry if I wasn't supposed to do this, but I just chuckled a little at the name of this story! Oh, how I love puns of Sirius' name! It has me interested!
Ooh! So the first couple of paragraphs with Sirius making his way through Godric's Hollow have me interested. You make it sound like the beginning of some gothic novel, or the opening of a really great whodunit kind of story - like Poirot, meets Cluedo, meets Nancy Drew.
I found it strange that Mrs Potter shut the door on Sirius to hide him from her son. I get that she wants to protect her son, but it seemed a little out of character for her. To be honest, though, I've met this woman for a grand total of ten lines. Perhaps this is just some sort of character quirk of hers, where she does weird things when she panics.
From first impressions of Mrs Potter and James, I'm getting the feeling that they don't react well in the face of trying situations. This is definitely a new and different direction to what I've come to expect from these two characters. I'd like to see them more in situations like these to see if they begin to react differently over time, which from a character development point of view would be really interesting.
And another thing about James - he seems to drop whatever he's holding at the moment quite a bit, doesn't he? It makes for a strange and unexpected source of levity to each scenario, and I think, adds to the charm of his character. I'd just be careful that he doesn't drop things too much, otherwise it's in danger of becoming a bit of a caricature, which could potentially damage his characterisation.
Aww! Sirius' mummy issues are really sad! And terrible. Gosh, what kind of person does that, torturing their son to within an inch of their life? I can see that this story is going to be quite dark, in that sense, where all the characters will have these really dark and angsty backstories. I don't usually go for stories like this, but this holds a lot of promise so far!
Haha! I giggled at the bit where Mrs Potter is discussing rules, and Lily Evans just casually pops up in the conversation. It added a bit of laughter into what has otherwise been a very serious chapter.
You asked about plot? From the first chapter, I have no idea what the plot's really going to be. I think it's possibly going to be very character-driven, and in that case, the only advice I really have is make sure you know your characters like the back of your hand. Understand why they do what they do - and perhaps include some of those things in the story. I think, so far, Sirius is very compelling. We'll get to see how he copes with the change in his circumstances over a period of time, and I'm looking forward to some killer bromance between James and Sirius. I really liked the relationship between James and his mother. It seems like they're very close, and I'd like to see how the relationship between Sirius and Mrs Potter develops.
So sorry that this review was so delayed! I hope I helped in some small way!
Author's Response: haha, don't worry about it (I've left reviewing something for 4 months :/) I;m just glad you reviewed now :D you've really helped, thanks for the honesty as well
I love puns to Sirius's name, its a reason why I chose it, idk it just came to my head one day and I was like 'fanfiction time!' lol
I'm not very good with descriptive writing and I really did try with the first chapter (especially in the first couple of paragraphs) and i;m happy thats got across :D thanks
I suppose thinking about it shutting the door is a bit of an odd thing to do, thanks for pointing it out, and your right, it is quite out of character, though I think that she doesn't react well, like James, in dangerous situations and throughout the story James does develop from this as the war goes on. I'll be sure not to make him drop to many thing :D thanks for the advice
There will be a few more chapters along the fanfic where Sirius's mum appears once again. At the moment i'm just coming up with ideas about her character :D
Yes the story is going to be quite dark and yes I suppose most my characters have very large backstories (but I won't let you on the secrets just yet :P) there are a few more main characters we have to meet and all of them do have a dark part of their life.
I couldn't leave out Lily evans! lol :P
Your right the story is mostly character driven :D I'm trying to show Sirius throughout other chapters that he's a very reckless character and tbh quite a dark character in a way, the story is mostly about how his friends keep him away from that dark side and keep him almost sane (does that make sense? :P)
Sirius's and Mrs Potters relationship definitly will develop throughout the story.
Thank-you for your review *hugs* don't worry about the lateness, its alright and you helped loads!!! :D