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Review:BookDinosaur says:
-BookDinosaur- here with your requested review!

I loved te start of this chapter through Scorpius' eyes. I really enjoyed all the description you gave us-the dancing sand and his shoes changing colour especially-it really painted a vivid picture of Egypt in my mind, even though I've never been there.

Honestly, I feel that your concern areas are fine. When Rashidi is relling the story, I really like how you didn't have him say it all in one go, but you put in what everybody's reactions were, so I didn't get bored with the storytelling bit.

It's the same with the last scene; I feel like it's fine, I enjoyed reading it. Really, I don't think there's any need to worry.

My CC for you-I did see a couple of errors with the apostrophes that you use. 'Weasley's' and 'God's' should just be 'Weasleys' and 'Gods'. Remember, you don't use an apostrophe when the word is plural. Also 'Acacia' shouldn't be capitalised; it's not a proper noun. And when Dalila's little cousin speaks up, I would take out the 'as'-that language seems a bit too refined for a young child, as I'm assuming he is.

All in all, this was a great chapter I really enjoyed reading!

Author's Response: Hey there!

I'm so glad that you liked the start of it, as I was a little unsure how people would react to the POV change! I've never been there either, so I really do hope it's like that :P

I hoped that the reactions would liven it up so I'm glad that it did. It's just hard to find the balance in the story when you've been staring at it for hours.

Ooh yay you enjoyed it then!

Ah those silly apostophes! I couldn't be bothered to have one final read through and it showed then :P I'll definitely get rid of the as too, as I know what you mean!

Thanks for another helpful review and I'm glad that you're enjoying it!

-Kiana


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