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Review:Cossettely says:
Let me start off by saying that I greatly enjoyed this chapter, as I usually do with your stories. You have a unique way of approaching topics, which provides a freshness to your writing.


Lorcan is a truly hilarious character, in my opinion. He reminds me a lot of Leo Bloom from The Producers (if you've ever seen it), and makes me giggle the whole time. His twin is his perfect foil character, and Cassiopeia provides a wonderfully hilarious nemesis.


My only caution with this story is to be wary of cliche type characters. Choosing cliche characters purposefully can move the story along and add to the humor element, but it is difficult to balance cliche with non-cliche. Be careful that you do not rely too much on stereotypes with these characters so that they do not begin to sound repetitive by the end of the story (I have no doubt, however, that you will throw in a twist in their personalities sometime soon).


Grammar, syntax, and style are all spot on. Be careful throwing in a plethora of psychology terminology really close together without explaining some of the more tricky terms; someone with no background in the subject might get a tad bit confused, I think.

Keep writing and I will look forward to reading your next chapters!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review!! I'm sorry that it's taken me such a long time to respond to it! :)

Lorcan is actually my favorite character to write. He's very persnickety, and I like imagining what he does in certain situations. I've never seen The Producers, but I'm definitely going to have to watch it sometime!

The first chapter is always kind of tough, because it's really easy for my characters to sound cliché. However, I think (hope!) that in the second and third chapters, they kind of break their molds, or at least crack them a little bit! Stereotypes are definitely difficult to overcome, and I can only hope that my characters overcame them by the end.

Yeah... I really love psych terms, so there was a point when writing this chapter that I just slapped them on pretty thickly. I need to go back and add a few words of description around them. :)

Thanks so much!

~UnluckyStar57


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