Near the beginning of the story, when Dominique says she's strong, Fleur replies "yes, you're my dear." "Yes, you are, my dear" would probably be clearer. Using "you're" makes it sound like she's saying she is her dear, rather than she is strong, if that makes sense.
Yikes, Teddy's anger is sort of jolting, but in a good way. It gives the impression of how out of character for him it is. I like the way you've written it. You can really feel the shock Dominique probably feels on hearing and seeing it. You write emotions very well.
Oh wow, there's a mystery here. I didn't realise that. I was a bit intrigued as to how come the werewolf bit her if they'd been using Wolfsbane, but I assumed you just wanted to show that the potion isn't infallible (he or she could have forgotten to take it or it could have been too weak or something) or that you just wanted to make it clear it wasn't the werewolf's fault - that he or she had done their best to avoid attacking somebody and it was just one of those things - or that you just wanted to address the whole canon thing of Wolfsbane. I didn't really expect it to be part of a mystery. Or if it was, I expected it to be a minor one, like the werewolf just not bothering to take Wolfsbane or something.
I like the fact that it's significant. It's better than just bringing it up and dropping it.
I'm now wondering if Delilah Jones could be involved. Her reaction to finding out an employee was bitten was kind of weird. At first she seemed really concerned, then she seemed almost dismissive (like referring to it as a hassle). She COULD definitely have been faking concern. I thought that if she was, it was just to get Dominique to write the article, but now I'm wondering if there's more to it.
The only motive I can think of for her though, is to get a really good article. But that seems a bit much. I mean, surely she could find a werewolf who'd be willing to writing about their experiences, though of course, they probably wouldn't be as good a writer as Dominique. Delilah implies she's the best journalist they have.
I don't think what she's found out CONFIRMS she was deliberately attacked, because just because it never happened before doesn't mean it COULDN'T, but it does seem a bit unlikely that people living nearby for years wouldn't have ever been attacked and yet somebody staying there for a few days would be. It definitely seems deliberate.
I think he deserves to be judged for his actions. Being young and poor is not justification for attacking somebody for money.
And hmm, I wonder if David Dale is correct about it being Delilah Jones or if it was somebody using her name. I was suspicious of her anyway, but it just seems a bit...easy...for her to be given the name like that. Anyway, I guess I'll find out sooner or later.
Really good story.
Author's Response: Woah! Thanks for this long and helpful review!
I'll go back and edit the dialogue =)
I am glad you think I write emotions well. Teddy's anger is jolting, isn't it? But he's only human after all.
Well, it's not a big mystery or anything, but a small one is there. I just like to include a villainous character in my story, haha. I am pleased you like how the whole werewolf stuff was significant.
Haha your guess is spot on, Delilah is most definitely involved! And there's definitely more to it.
Nah, giving someone a werewolf bite just for an article is pretty crazy (though giving someone a werewolf bite is crazy in itself) - there's more to her intentions which will be revealed (if all goes as planned) in chapter seven.
Yes of course, nothing is confirmed as of yet. Dominique will have to get more substantial "evidence" to confirm everything.
The werewolf will be shown in the next chapter so I am curious to see how you find him - whether you 'judge' him or not xP
It is kind of easy yeah, but well, it is her. She's not a very good planner.
Thanks so much, hope to see you back for the next chapter!