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Review:magnolia_magic says:
Hi! magnolia_magic here with your requested review :)

I think you do a good job of bringing a dark feel to this piece; especially at the beginning when they're entering the forest, and again when they first get to the manor. That really helped me get into the mood of the story, so great job with that :) And I really liked the way you wrote Snape. He was aloof enough toward Draco to make it convincing, but when he encountered Harry I loved the way he unleashed some anger. It seemed very appropriate for his character.

For some CC, I'd suggest having a beta look over this to smooth out some grammar errors and tense issues. Also, you use the word "emotion" a lot to describe the heavy things your characters are feeling. Why not try something more specific? Apprehension, rage, fear...things like that would make your characters' feelings seem more real. That said, I love the way you describe Draco's shame in the first section. That's a great example of choosing a specific emotion and making it vivid for the reader. More of that would add so much to this piece :)

Voldemort was just how I would have imagined him. He would never have let Draco completely off the hook, and I'm glad you showed that. I also loved how the last line came full circle with the beginning, describing his beating heart.

I think you did a good job with this! Feel free to PM me if you want to talk further, and re-request any time :)


Author's Response: Hello! Thank you so much! I do plan to get a beta soon, when I got time to put up the request. In the meantime, I'm happy with it at the moment haha.

I'm really glad that I somehow managed to get the feels across the reader. I'm afraid that it didn't set the mood right. And its so rare that I write Voldy that its kinda weird, as well as Snape. They're the ones I don't like to write in case I mess up with their characterization.

Thank you for the help and I'll get a beta soon. Thank you!

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