Hello! This was a perfect opportunity, coming across your name again in the review battle. :) I'd been meaning to come back and read this chapter anyway! I saw your response to my review of the first chapter, too, and it was absolutely lovely. ♥ Thank you so much!
I've got to express appreciation again for the way you write, both descriptively and just in the fact that you have great mastering of spelling and punctuation and grammar and all those sorts of things. :D It makes a read so much more enjoyable, and it's a lot easier to concentrate on the story itself that way. I'm very impressed by the maturity of this story! Some of that is derived from the subject matter, I suppose, but it also comes from the way you turn a phrase. Lines like this one:
Who knew what evils were lurking behind the locks? -- I don't know why, but I just really liked the way you said that. :) Your descriptions are lovely, too, and I LOVE the mental image of Persephone as a spot of red among black and white (which actually happens to be my favorite color combination!). The burgundy walls spotted by lamps, the iron curlicues on the door -- they all lend a darkness and mystery to your story, and you never had to say it outright once. That's the sort of description that I love to see, because it makes me feel invested in the story. I'm there, and I want to know what happens!
And of course the menacing Society and all its members -- I love the names and characteristics you gave to all of its Directors! They were all very vivid and unique and forbidding, and I don't think it's too assertive of me to assume that's exactly what you were going for, so well done. I think my favorite thing in this chapter, character-wise, was how you made Arnold, a character who looked so creepy into the first chapter, into one of the better men in this one. That was an interesting turnaround, and I actually really liked it!
And David Weatherly! Just WHO is this man, and what's his history with Persephone? What exactly is the Society going to ask her to do, and why? How does her family and past connect with her present? I've got so many questions and none of the answers, and that's such a good thing; it means that I'm going to be back and searching for them among your future updates. ;) You've got great lead-ins to a really good mystery story at work here!
Seriously, seriously well done; I enjoyed this chapter just as much as the first, if not more! It's fair to say that I'll be hunting for hints of an update around the forums. I'm very interested to read more of your story, and when you do get a chance to update, I hope that you'll let me know!
Author's Response: You've come back? Really?! Yay! :D
Thank you so much for your compliments about my spelling/grammar/description! I'm kind of a rookie fanfiction writer, but I've written many an essay in literature classes, and those have seemed to go a long way in helping me describe things. I really wanted to make the story sound a little bit antique, and I tried to do that with phrases that I thought sounded old-ish. I'm glad you thought they were effective!!
Red/black/white is actually a color combination at the school I'll be attending in the future. Well, it's more a crimson color, but... I'm so glad that you picked up on the air of mystery that I was trying to give the place. It's still a mystery to me, because I haven't fully explored its depths yet! I am certainly waiting just as much as you to find out what will happen--this story seems to have a mind of its own when I sit down to write it!!
The Directors!! I really, really hate them, mostly because I identify too much with Persephone (not the oppressive "Society" part, but the slightly defiant part!), and I wrote them to be really creepy and forbidding indeed!! Arnold probably turned around just a bit too quickly, I think, but he wanted to show his tutee some respect. I'll probably have a few flashbacks to explain his character in the coming chapters!
David!!! He's really rude right now, but he'll play a really significant role in the story, as will Persephone's background and the demands of the Society. Do I know what those are yet? ...No, but hopefully I will very soon! I will definitely let you know when the next chapter is out!!
Thank you so much for showing such an interest in my story. It really, really means a lot to me. :)