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Review:SilentConfession says:
Hi, I'm here for your review!

So this is a very intense moment. It's really one of the biggest moments of the series in my opinion as the story revolves around this sacrifice of Lily's. So i commend you for trying to capture the last moment of Lily's life. It's interesting to see what she might have been thinking during that moment in her life when she realizes that her family is going to die.

There was a weird sense of hope throughout this. I'm not sure why i picked up on that at all since it isn't a piece that really portrays that. I suppose it was because Lily was reflecting one the fact that she wouldn't change anything and that, in the end, she'd be with those who she loved and had died before her. With those few things it took the edge of a sad, destructive moment because Lily, although is giving up, is also looking forward and still appreciating that she was able to live the life she lived.

I'd have loved to have gotten a deeper sense of this moment. Some of the smells, the feeling of Harry's soft skin under her lips. What does Lily look like in the scene? How is she standing? I felt detached because there were times that Lily felt like a floating entity in the room without anyone directing her actions. The main purpose of the challenge was to bring people into the moment, for them to feel everything Lily was feeling. To feel the horror that she was losing her life, that she was losing her husband and her kid. That with their deaths so goes the hope of the wizarding world. I would have loved to get a sense of that. There were times you did this well, especially with how you portrayed some of her emotions and how she mourned the loss of the love of her life. But sometimes getting the atmosphere of a moment is more than just describing the emotions. If you worked on that and creating a deeper more rounded atmosphere you'd have an even better piece than you already do.

I don't mean to be critical but i'm just looking at this piece through the eyes of what i was looking for with the challenge. I think that you've chosen a really cool moment of the first war to explore and i can't imagine what it would be like to look death in the face like that! Thank you so much for entering y challenge! I've enjoyed reading this piece!

Author's Response: I totally agree - I do think I could improve the mood and could make the reader more attached to the scene.
Thanks for reviewing,
~ Macy


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