Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Aphoride says:
Hey there - sorry about the delay before stopping by! Anyway, I'm here, very happily, with your requested review! :)

I really enjoyed this! I liked that you chose to include a lighter chapter in it amongst all of the doom and gloom and tension. Yeah, they're at war, but that doesn't mean people can't joke, right? And so far, it hasn't totally effected them personally. I imagine if one of them did get attacked or hurt then they'd mellow, but for now, let them laugh! :D

Your characterisations were brilliant again. I love Eleanor - she's this combination of funny, weird and witty which I just love, and without going the 'kooky OC' route as well (I have no idea how you managed that, but well done!). Amelia is wonderful - it's so nice to see her when she's young because we know who she grows into, the stern lawyer-witch with the monocle, but nothing much else really. I love the boys too... they make me smile (and, on a random note, Bertram totally reminds me of a guy I know. Even down to the 'real girl' jokes. It's like you've written him into your fic. It's bizarre, but kinda cool) every time.

There were just a couple of things to point out. Firstly, if you read this through slowly again to yourself, there's a couple of points where you switch tenses (to past tense) or it just didn't flow right. One when you were talking about Bronson and his Quidditch skills (that phrase) and once right at the beginning when you used the mountain and jumping metaphor. It's nothing big, though - just that the whole of the rest of it flowed perfectly with no mistakes anywhere, so those kinda stuck out to me.

Also, the only other thing is that when Henry says he needs to go, it just feels a little random to me. You don't need to like introduce it or something, but I just feel that he needs to realise or something to make it seem less completely out of the blue. Again with this, everything else was great, so it was more obvious.

Master Londy... oh god, that cat is hilarious. He's just so adorable. I hope nothing's happened to him (and nothing will happen to him).

The pace is still a bit slow, but I think it works because it follows on from the last one, so it feels very continuous, which is nice, and then there's the cliffhanger at the end with Londy being missing, which helps - for me, at least - to bring back that tension from before. I don't think you need to speed this chapter up - particularly if it gets faster afterwards - because it would kinda spoil it. Plus, changes in pace help make things dramatic and suchlike, so it could actually work in your favour.

There is still tension here, but it's less palpable. Probably because it's lighter, though. You still managed to keep some of it in, just reminders with Eleanor's internal comments about the Death Eaters and wondering whether Sirius is okay and things. It's subtle, which is lovely - I think this is much better than just out and out saying it, you know?

So yeah, I'm still really enjoying this - please feel free to re-request any time! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry it took so long to respond!

Thank you so much for your insightful review! I'm really pleased you are still enjoying it and my characterizations. I find writing about the people a lot more interesting than anything else and it's really fantastic to hear they seem real. Especially Eleanor. I'm glad that she doesn't seem like a kooky person but still funny and witty and whatever else she is. There are only so many kooky people in this world and i don't think they all would be in Hogwarts. It's hard to find the balance though and I honestly don't know how i do it. I just sort of go and hope that she comes out alright.

I see what you mean with that line and being really abrupt, i'll have to go and make it less awkward when he leaves. I see him as a fairly awkward individual at times and puts things in odd ways but it disrupts the story so i'll have to take a look at it.

Thank you so much for your lovely review! I appreciate you coming and reading this! :)


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 772
Submit Report: