|Review:||nott theodore says:|
First of all, I love the opening line to this chapter! Using 'wand deep' instead of knee-deep really helps us immerse ourselves more in the wizarding world and makes it seem more realistic. You did that somewhere else in this chapter too and it's really clever.
The part where Lily was working on her potions assignment was really interesting. I liked the way that you explored the two different potions and made them sound realistic, especially with the medical explanations of their effects and what could happen if the potion goes wrong. I've also never thought about how the Wolfsbane potion (and others) would need to be actually tested on humans, much like medical testing. I wonder who volunteered to try it? The essay sounds horrible, though, and it sounds like Lily wasn't the only one having trouble with it.
James is such a great character! I love your interpretation of him so far; he's a good person and has lots of good qualities, but there's still the obvious teenage boy aspect of his personality (enjoying the attention of being Quidditch captain and so on). He's grown up over summer with looking after Lily, but I think he - and all the others - still have a lot of growing up to do. Who doesn't at that age, though?
The description of Belle and Sirius and thunder and lightning was really effective, and I'll definitely be interested to see what happens between the two of them in the future. I like Belle's character so far, and the interaction between the girls that we got to see here.
The flashback to Lily's childhood was so well written and well placed in this chapter. She's putting on a brave show with this perfect exterior, but there are bound to be times when that cracks like it does here. It was great to get a sense of what her relationship with her mum was like, as well as how happy her childhood seemed to be. I'm glad you included Petunia, too - they always appeared to be close, especially before Lily left for Hogwarts.
Remus and Lily's friendship is so cute, and I love Remus here too (in fact, I love almost all the characters so far). The way he talked about losing part of himself was so sad! One thing I enjoyed was that Lily doesn't actually know about Remus's condition; since he didn't tell his friends until they forced him to admit it, I can't imagine he would tell anyone voluntarily unless he had no other choice. There's still a lot Lily has to learn about the Marauders - the little comment about Sirius having a talent for Transfiguration makes me think that she doesn't know about their ability to transform into animals.
The part with the 'Prospects' was so interesting! Bellatrix was really terrifying. Having heard so much about her I'm looking forward to seeing more of her in this story. I like the idea of the Marauders sneaking around and trying to find out what the Prospects are up to, fighting the war in their own way at this stage. I'm curious as to who they were talking about trying to persuade. Could it be Peter?
Ah, poor Lily! I really felt sorry for her in this chapter, with the potions essay and the memory and then getting drunk at the party. I'm interested in this new Durmstrang student (you've done well writing the accents here too - I always struggle with that!) and how much of a role he'll play in the story. And of course, Lily's starting to become more aware of her feelings for James (and ohmygosh when Remus nearly said that James was in love with her I got so excited!).
I have just one Brit-pick (I hope you don't mind!), in that we have 'terms' instead of semesters over here :)
It feels like this story is really starting to pick up and I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter!
Author's Response: I've been itching to get time to respond to your amazing reviews! And writing today has been a challenge, but your review has perked me right up ♥
I do try and give a wizarding flare in this, though I recently remembered that Peeves hardly comes up. I need to give him a bit of face time... though I guess the price I paid for ending up juggling a handful of different storyline at once. Okay, done talking to myself and moving on to the next part of your amazing review.
Okay. Mixing medical with magical is one of my BIGGEST pleasures in this. That and writing class scenes; i constantly have to reel myself back in :P I didn't really think about just how they'd test Wolfsbane before this, either. It couldn't have been easy to find willing werewolves...
I love your statement of who doesn't have growing up to do at this age. That's so true. Showing the way these young people all mature enough to commit themselves into a war is such a huge deal for me and one of my biggest goals for this, so I'm sure excited to see what you think as they continue maturing. Though that Potter humor is never far off, is it? :P
Belle is pretty Mary Sue up until this point. I'm excited to see what you think when we start learning more about her! I am a sucker for thunderstorm comparisons though :P.
ekkk I'm so happy you liked that! I know some people hate flashbacks, but they do crop up every so often in this to sort of tell the story of Petunia and Lily, so you liking them just makes me extra excited.
You enjoying all the characters so far is such an awesome compliment. It was so scary trying to wrap my brain around them, and having other people like my babies just makes me want to squeeze you. Can I?! SQUEEZE.
I completely agree with you about Remus. He didn't tell is own best friends until they turned into animals and followed him into the shack. So he's going to tell her because... ermm.. she's Lily Evans? No. Haha, okay, sorry... rant over.
And nope she doesn't know about that either. poor clueless Lily :P!
Accents. Ugh. If I ever say, "Hey Sian, I'm going to start a story with two characters who are foreign," will you throw something at me? One chapter in the future I make a statement that Isabelle will never talk more than she did in that certain chapter cause I got SO frustrated, haha!
Ah! Thank you! And absolutely not -- if you ever find any thing that is super American please don't hesitate to point it out! My beta and I are both hopelessly American ;).
Thank you so much for another amazing review. And for making me feel a lot better about how frustrated I was getting with writing today because of said review!