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Review:marauderfan says:
It's Terry! (Afraid of heights and lives in Ravenclaw Tower, somehow I feel like that's going to come up again). I can't wait to see Tor's reaction when she finds out he's Muggle born.

Griz is evil, sabotaging Tor's quidditch tryout. And omg she has a shrunken head named Xavier - too funny. That would definitely not be a good thing to wake up to.

A bit of CC - The italic part about Yaxley felt sort of out of place. It's clearly in the past, because it's when he just joined the DE's.. but then Tor says she stops thinking about the future. I think that'd make sense if she hadn't just been thinking about the past, because she was thinking about the future before that... (am I making sense? I just read over that again and I hope I don't sound like jumbly words.) The part in italics looks like it was just stuck in there, it doesn't seem to relate to anything around it. Maybe use that piece later, in a different chapter? (unless you did that intentionally, in which case ignore my ramblings!)

Great job!

Author's Response: Haha, yes! :) And hmm that's a good point, Terry is braver than he acts though! :P

Yes, Griz really isn't too nice, is she? At least this gives Tor a good reason to have not made the team, as she would have been pretty angry if Zelda got the Seeker spot anyway! And yes, Xavier just sounds awful!

Aha, I have a tendency to write first and think if it fits later: I think it's part of writing a story chapter by chapter, instead of the whole thing and revising it. The flashbacks (and there are more coming!) are just my break from Tor's incessant drama. I'll see if I can re-visit it and maybe change it, however! :)

Thanks for another great review! :)


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