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Review:marauderfan says:
It was nice to see Tor's family background here. I think you've portrayed the sibling relationship really well so far too - how Tor is jealous of her older sister's looks, like any younger sister would be, and Daphne is jealous that Tor, the baby of the family, is the favourite. Very realistic.

I think it's interesting how you described Occlumency/LEgilimency too, and how it's able to cover large distances. Was it mentioned in the book that they can do that? I had always imagined that you had to be in the same room or something, but maybe I just made that up. Anyway, I like that take on mind magic.

One thing that seemed a little off:

The red eyes glinted, the white cheeks stretched upward in the likeness of a smile. For a moment my father tried to imagine how the Dark Lord must have looked as a child: he failed.

I do like the bit about imagining Voldemort as a child. But, I don't think it really fits. Everything else in the chapter is what happened to Yaxley. Events, dialogues, etc., and this one sentence is his feelings. While there's nothing inherently wrong with that, it almost feels like a POV shift.

Sorry if that sounds overly critical/ doesn't make sense, I hope that came across clearly. Regardless I thought this was a really good chapter! 10/10

Author's Response: Hi again! :)

Ah, I'm glad you liked this chapter, which was of course a little different but I felt necessary! I'm glad to hear you like the sibling relationship, and think that it's relatable. I'm really glad that Astoria had a sister in canon, as writing about Daphne is one of my favourite sub-plots! :)

I kind of made up how Legilimency/Occlumency would function in the story, since it's pretty obscure and confusing for me! I hope it makes sense, at least within the context of this story. I thought that it could work for a mind the person knew well, like Yaxley-his daughters or Voldy-Harry, but with strangers they would need a closer proximity. It's still all rather unclear, however! :P

Thank you very much for pointing that out, it's an excellent point and I really appreciate any advice and feedback! :) I'm planning to re-visit and patch up these early chapters, and your comments are certainly helpful.

Thank you for another wonderful review, you're awesome! :D


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