Hey! Here for your much delayed requested review from the forums. First off, I really really apologise for the long wait I put you through. Uni has been really busy and I haven't had the time to even glance at my thread recently. Nonetheless, I am here now =)
This was a very well-written second chapter. It has made me interested in the direction the story is headed which is superb.
Eileen's characterisation is very interesting. I like how you've characterised her. She seems very efficient, managing both the muggle and wizarding customers, and yet not greedy as she doesn't seem to spend all her money and such. Her kind attitude showed through her interaction with Hannah when she didn't charge her money, and her sweetness through her interaction with Fabian and her friend. Then, with the contrast to her friends who are all married and have children, it is good how you've subtly shown that she's strong and independent. I'd love to see more of that side of hers.
All in all, she seems quite human, and I like it. Often, I see people portraying their main characters as an 'extreme' person in certain things but so far you seem to have done well with yours and I like the normalcy about her. The ways with which you expressed her nature and thoughts was also nicely done and I enjoyed it.
The normalcy of her life is something nice too, nothing extraordinary is happening with her (yet) so that makes it easier to connect with her and makes her life believable. So, when something does happen, it will be easier to fit it in.
The plot seems engaging and I am excited to see how this goes on further. Your descriptions were awesome as the previous chapter even though the setting and mood was entirely different. For instance, the way you incorporated her physical appearance in the narrative was quite clever and the setting of the scene was described aptly as well. I loved the little details, such as of the grandfather clock, or of the goblin peeking in for goblin-made heirlooms. They really added colour to the narrative.
The flow was smooth and I had no trouble at getting in all the information. It kept me engaged throughout and was a pleasant read. The grammar and all was fine as well, and thus nothing disrupted the flow.
As I said before, it kept me engaged, so I should say you're doing pretty well in the reader interest area. I am very much intrigued by her family background, the little hint you provided about her parents being dead has my curiosity peaked - what exactly happened? Also, her vault is one of the oldest (right?) so that brings up some interesting questions about her family as well. And then of course there's the curse which will surely hold my interest throughout to know more about it.
I don't have any CC to give you as the story is really going on wonderfully. I am eager to read the next chapter so please feel free to re-request.
Author's Response: AD! Oh my goodness, you are such a gem! And please, please don't worry about the delay. You'll find that I'm a very patient woman - besides, I totally understand how busy things can get!
I'm so stoked that you like Eileen! You are definitely going to see how independent and self-sufficient she is - I wanted a strong female character, much like JKR with Hermione and McGonagall.
Oh my goodness, you and I must be cut from the same cloth! Sometimes I like those kinds of stories, but it gets so tiring reading tons and tons of fanfiction stories and even original fiction in which the main character has such an extreme personality. It makes me happy that you think her normalcy is good. I like the realism of it because I think it mirrors many of our own lives in a way. We may not be seamstresses, but for the most part we live very, well, normal lives.
Again, I didn't want an extreme sort of plot (yet). I wanted to write something engaging that progresses slowly toward the horrors of the curse and what else is going to come into Eileen and Tobias's lives.
Between this storyline and that of the first chapter, you'll get a much clearer image of her family and the mystery surrounding all of it. I can't wait for you guys to read upcoming chapters!
No CC? Oh wow, thank you! But please know that I'm always open to good constructive criticisms because it helps me grow as an author!
Thank you so much for the wonderful review! I'm really glad you're enjoying my story! ♥