Popping by with a review from the review battle!
Right away I've got to tell you that this is one of the most engaging stories I've come across on HPFF in a long time, and I'm very glad this was the link I clicked in your signature. You got an air of suspense across extremely well, and it was a near-perfect way to engage readers and make them want to come back for more; as someone who personally struggles with first chapters, I'm rather jealous! It wasn't long-winded but neither was it short enough for me to feel slighted, like you hadn't told me enough.
Your use of description was lovely, and it really painted the scene. The way you described Persephone's surroundings reflected her and the other characters in a subtle way -- you didn't need to tell us what she was feeling, because the rain and the dark conveyed the nerves and anxiety very well. That's the definition of "show, don't tell" and I've really got to take my hat off to you for doing it so aptly! Are you quite sure this is your first story?
I wish I had time right now to click over to the second chapter and read more, because I've got loads of questions! I want to know exactly what the Society is (a precursor to the Death Eaters, perhaps?), and why Persephone must join it, and how she'll cope. This intrigues me like no story on this site's intrigued me for some time, and I say that with all sincerity.
You're quite honestly a very talented writer, and this first chapter was a joy to read! ♥ I mean that very sincerely. Please do keep up the brilliant work, and I mean to make my way back over to this story before too long!
Author's Response: *looks at reviewers name, then looks again to make sure it's not a dream*
E!!! Thank you so much for this lovely review!! You're probably one of the best authors on this site, and it means so much to see that you've said all of this nice stuff to little old me! In fact, I chose to respond to this review last because every time I read it, I would be rendered incapable of coherent thought. :)
*contains enthusiasm slightly*
Thank you so very much for saying that this is an engaging story. This was my very first story, and when I started it, I just pounded down the chapter in one sitting. Today, it's almost the same as it was when I first wrote it. I don't know what it was that made it turn out so well, but I'm thankful for it. I think that it's the second, third, fourth, and so on chapters that I have trouble with. :)
Thank you for complimenting my description!!! I honestly don't know where it came from, but I think that the best ideas often come out of thin air. I did leave a lot of questions in this chapter, and I can assure you that I didn't do that on purpose. I just wrote haphazardly, and now I'm stuck with having to work everything out. At this point, I've got so much to decide about the plot, but seeing your lovely review has made all of that worth it. I certainly hope that you find the time to read more. :)
Thank you so much for all of your wonderful compliments!! I think that you're an amazingly talented writer, too--definitely one of the best.