Chapter 9 - It looks like the war is finally getting underway. I'm surprised Dumbledore wasn't able to think of the patronus idea himself, though I suppose he can't be extraordinarily innovative all the time. I especially like how you mentioned that spells can evolve and develop over time. The look that James gave Lily as he was about to cast his patronus reminded me a lot of how Snape channeled his memories of Lily into creating his patronus as well. It's interesting to see how Snape and James were similar in these ways, and Lily is probably completely unaware of it.
Two minor errors - "The mirror caught her attention and she glanced at if from the corner of her eye," and "to handle to worthless face glancing back at her."
Bella is just getting crazier and crazier. It's easy to see how invested she is in her position as a follower of Voldemort. The franticness of her actions seems spot on, and it seems the entire situation is already pushing her further towards the deep end. It's strange thinking how she could get to such a delusional and power-obsessed state of mind, but luckily we have your other story to tell us that. ;)
Chapter 10 - Petunia is so finicky! I still can't grasp how Petunia can go back and forth from hating and loving Lily so quickly. She's fascinated by the magic and wants Lily to use it, yet she also hates her sister for getting to experience something she can't. This quote reminded me so much of myself, "Lily was so organized when it came to homework, classes, books, everything really. Only her best friends knew that she couldn't keep her clothes folded and room clean to save her life." Let's just ignore all my clothes strewn around the room right now. :P
I think you meant pastry here - "Peter said, handing over a pasty to Belle."
Now that the war is getting more serious I love getting to see how everyone is reacting to the attacks. I liked that Lily was able to acknowledge her naive attitude towards the war. You can tell she is still surprised that the level of infiltration Voldemort has, especially with how the auror program has been comprised. It's frightening to realize the wizards supposed to be fighting off the Death Eaters may in fact be one of them.
Chapter 11 - I've always loved order scenes, so I'm glad you put one in this chapter! I really like how you show us each of the different perspectives of what's going on with the war. Getting to see it from the perspective of Voldemort, Bellatrix, the Order, and the Marauders gives the situation a whole new dimension and really helps the reader see how Voldemort's plan is developing.
I also really enjoyed the little moment Lily and James shared down by the lake. It seems like the two are definitely getting more comfortable with each other, and the tragedies occurring all around them probably isn't hurting either. I sense their relationship will be growing even deeper over the next few chapters.
Just one mistake in this chapter that I spotted - "It was the fist time they'd be able to come to one."
Author's Response: Alli Alli *insert other name here that I'm not allowed to say.*!
I was so excited about giving the Patronuses, or talking ones at least, an origin. We know the Marauders were always inventing sneaky ways to make their lives easier, like the map and the two way mirror James and Sirius have, so letting them figure out the way to communicate without owls was a blast. I'm really happy the idea of magic evolving. It seems unrealistic for a spell to never get tweaked a bit or anything.
I'm so excited that Bellatrix's insanely shaky mental state is getting noticeably more fragile. I think I mentioned to you before what I sort of base her off, and so far I think that's really helped me with writing her devotion in a hopefully eerie way. And chapter 3 of that one is almost done! Well, 'almost' bight be pushing it a little... :P But I've started it!
Oh my gosh I think 'finicky' is the best word I've ever heard used to describe Petunia. The next flashback of her and Lily (pretty sure it's the next one) I think shows a lot of how much her jealousy of Lily influences her (I was going to use affects here, but I didn't know if it's a or e so I just chose influence :P) to act the way she does. I've always had a huge issue with the 'they just stopped talking because Petunia hated Lily out of jealousy' thing. It's obvious they kept some sort of relationship because Petunia invited Lily and James to her wedding during their seventh year and they also had dinner with the couple before the wedding. So there was enough of a bond to want her sister there for whatever reason. And then we know that Petunia sent a vase for Christmas one year... so I've always really wanted to give their relationship more levels than just the 'hated and stopped talking' thing. Sorry, didn't mean to ramble on there :P.
The order scene was SO SCARY TO WRITE. I'm so happy you liked it!!! I don't even remember how long I spent on that section, but it was way longer than most. They're just such an important group to get right and I fiddled with everyone so many times and ended up doing a list of who lives and who dies and what their occupations are cause I was so scared I'd mention something small here about one of the members than counteract it later.
Aww I'm glad you liked the lake scene! And your suspicions may be right ;)!
Thank you so much for another awesome review, Alli! I have so much fun getting to read what stood out at you on the chapters, and think I should probably send you cookies or something for being crazy enough to start such a long story :P