Hey there - dropping by from the forums with your requested review! Sorry for the slight delay - I got caught up in a whole bunch of things the past few days, but I'm here now! :)
I love that you chose to tackle Snape - and in a one-shot too! He's such a difficult, complicated character to write, but he's absolutely fascinating - so difficult to get right, though, so kudos for taking him on! I liked the way you presented him, as well, with his thoughts about James and Sirius and Lily running throughout this continually. He seemed so lonely for so much of it, when Lily had gone or wasn't there at the beginning, and it does kind of make you think about his childhood and school days, you know? But yeah, I thought you handled his character really well - you didn't avoid the darker elements of his childhood, like his becoming a Death Eater, but you didn't completely make him out to be some kind of justified angel, either. I thought you dealt with his complexity really well! He was very much Snape throughout this and I liked it.
I liked how you characterised Lily, as well. Again, she wasn't totally perfect, and it was a little harder with her to gauge her character since we only saw moments of Snape's life, but I liked the way you presented her, focusing on the idea that Snape loved her. It reminded me of reading about Ginny in the books when Harry fancies her, you know.
However, I was a bit confused by some bits you included. I really, really don't understand why, in the middle of a violent war, Lily would invite someone - former school friend or not - who may be working with a terrorist organisation who want to kill people like her and James and the rest of them to her wedding? O.o I get that you wanted to have him there, but it honestly seems a little odd plot-wise. Also, I think it's established in canon that Snape's father is the cruel one, and his mother is nicer... some of their reactions and the way Snape talked about them implied it was the other way round...
I thought the style you wrote this in was great! It's definitely unusual and doesn't always work, but I thought it went well enough here, with glimpses of moments Snape and Lily had shared and little insights into his character. I would say, though, that it seemed a little odd to be reading a one-shot about Snape, from his point of view, where you refer to him as 'Snape', and James and Sirius as, well, 'James' and 'Sirius'. Maybe change it around? Refer to James and Sirius by their surnames and Snape by his first name? It would make more sense in the context of this one-shot, I think.
The flow and the tone of it were excellent, though, and your wordchoice was great, too - 'boathouse', though, should not have a capital letter ;) - and I liked how you ended it. It was such a nice link to the canon series and the way he actually died and the moment in the memories he gives to Harry with Dumbledore...
I definitely don't think it was too soppy - if anything it was more angsty than romantic/fluffy, you know? It probably has something to do with how you chose the moments and where you placed them. Keeping his death for last kept it from that.
So yeah, I enjoyed reading this! I hope I didn't come across as too harsh - I just wanted to let you know because some things were a bit odd for me! :)
Author's Response: Hey there! Thank you for getting back to me so quickly, with such a lovely detailed review as well! It's so useful and helpful, and I will be going back over it to improve it! :)
Snape is a very complex character, and it just struck me while I was reading the books how little kudos he does get for all the brave deeds he does. I'm so pleased I got the characterisation alright! He's such a deep character, hard to capture, and in all honesty you can't place him as a bad guy or a good guy, as he was a bit of both. His childhood I always though must've been quite bad to put him in that grey area! Yes, I actually read those bits in the book between Harry and Ginny when I was thinking of writing this!
Thank you for pointing that out! I don't think James would let Snape come either, actually, so I'll go back and edit it. Maybe he can sneak in to it, and it can be a quieter service or something? I'll work on it! Thank you for telling me! And the whole 'Severus' thing is an awesome idea! I don't know why but I didn't really think of that at the time - definitely go back and add that in.
Thank you for all your lovely compliments, and your tips'll really help me improve my writing! I'm glad you enjoyed reading it, and you didn't come across as too harsh at all! Thank you for taking the time to review - a long one too!