Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:magnolia_magic says:
Hi! magnolia_magic here with your review, finally! I know I took much longer than expected, but thank you for being so patient with me.

I actually really like the idea of an eighth Weasley child. At first I was like, "Wait, that's weird." But as I read on, I found it really interesting to see the family dynamics with Cedrella in the mix. So I have to really commend you for taking on such a daring idea!

The Fred and George moments at the beginning were super cute, and I love the bond between Cedrella and Charlie, but I especially loved Cedrella and Ginny's sibling rivalry. I could just tell from Elle's narration that the two got on each other's nerves. I think that's a very realistic way to portray their relationship. Sisters don't always get along, especially at 10 or so years old (at least, I'm assuming that's Cedrella's age.) Their interactions were fun to read, and I'm excited to see how their relationship evolves in the future!

I also really liked the way you took time to emphasize how Cedrella is different from Ginny. Instead of creating another generic "feisty redhead" character, you've given Elle a little more depth. She seems a little more reserved than her sister, with a tendency to take life slower and observe what's going on around her (love that last paragraph with her watching the insects in the trees--that's something that sets Cedrella apart, and I'm glad you included it.) But she's still very witty, and I like her narration style. Overall I think you did a very good job with her.

One thing I would have liked to see cleared up is Cedrella's age. I read in some of your review responses that she and Ginny are twins; does this make them 10 in this chapter? If so, my biggest suggestion would be to take another look at Cedrella's dialogue. There are places where she sounds much older than she really is, and I think some reworking of her speaking voice might make her character more believable. At least at this point. When she gets older I think her dialogue will be spot on :)

I also think you could have done a little more with the mention of Harry. His introduction as "the raven haired boy" seemed a little too impersonal for this situation; wouldn't Cedrella have been acquainted with him by this point, or at least known his name? That's just a little thing I would have liked to see fleshed out a little more.

I thought the flow was good overall; you move well from scene to scene, and I was never left feeling confused. You're doing really well in that area so far.

Thanks so much for requesting! I really enjoyed reading this first chapter, and I love what you're doing with Cedrella as a character. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk further, and re-request any time!

--Maggie

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 217
Submit Report: