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Review:Aphoride says:
Hey there - dropping off your requested review from the forums! :)

Okay, so woah. I've never ever read something like this - understandable, I suppose, since this was written for a challenge and all that kind of stuff - but, seriously, this is pretty much unique, I think.

I love how you wrote Fudge. He has the same bumbling demeanour that he did in canon - you know: easily pressured into doing things he doesn't necessarily doesn't want to do, perhaps a bit stupider than he should be, a little bit too trusting. After all, if some bloke who was in league with a dark wizard and was supposed to be dead asked me to meet him for a confidential chat in the loo of an old ship, I probably wouldn't go, lol.

But that aside, your characterisation was great. Really, really great. I loved how you made Fudge almost the honest one of the two of them - he's the one who didn't expect to be betrayed and seems to dislike playing games and toying with people in the same way that Scrimgeour does. Scrimgeour was so good, too - I loved how you made him out to be manipulative and darker than he is in the books, and actually kinda scary, too, with the way he's so casual about everything he's doing.

The line 'the will of the Dark Lord' made me laugh, as I first read it as a will as in when you die, lol. Intentional possible pun or not, it's still good! I loved how the paper in the envelope only read 'I will never die'. It seems an odd boast for the Dark Lord to make to a politician who presumably he's had ordered to be killed, but when you consider the Horcruxes it obviously takes on a different meaning. And poor Fudge, he has no idea that the Dark Lord is, actually, somewhat correct about his statement. He has no idea what it means. Besides, the sort of melodrama which the letter has is just like the Dark Lord. Reminds me of his monologues in the books... :P

The one thing I did think is that some of your paragraphing is a bit odd. Like, they're all really, really short. You could add in some description, I think, here and there to help pad it out - like when Fudge is nervous, does he fiddle with things? What things? What do they look like? What is Scrimgeour wearing - he's supposed to be dead, after all. What can he see out the porthole? It will help make your paragraphs longer :) You could also join some of them up with each other, where the action from one to the next is continuous. If you're not sure, I'd ask a quick beta on the forums, pm one, and ask them to look this over for you checking for that. It's not a hard thing to learn, but it will make a difference to your writing!

The plot of this was great, though! I'm guessing it's AU, but I liked it nonetheless. Given how corrupt the Ministry is as a whole, it seems perfectly possible to me that Scrimgeour is equally, or more so, corrupt than Fudge was.

Your style and flow and pace in this were all great, too. Because it was centred around a conversation, and there was a lot of information about the back story to get across, the fact that it's not hugely pacey doesn't matter - and the pace is actually still pretty quick.

So yeah, I enjoyed reading this! I hope you didn't think I was too harsh, and feel free to re-request for something else in the future! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi!

You're probably right in saying that this is a really different idea - as I was writing this, I couldn't help but think, "what on earth is this and why am I writing it?" :)

I kind of exaggerated the characters we know already in Fudge and Scrimgeour here, and I'm glad that you like that - they were fun to write!

Yes, that was a rather intentional pun. :) Voldemort definitely seems like the cocky type, so his little letter seemed very in character of him.

I will definitely go in and add more detail, because it is a very skin-and-bones type story right now, and I think adding more detail might help!

Thanks so much for the review and the concrit! :)

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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