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Review:CambAngst says:
Hi! Amazing how a month gets away from you. Let's see if I can squeeze in one more review before it's over.

I really liked the theme that ran through this chapter. It's perfectly natural for cousins -- even ones that are close as siblings -- to grow apart to an extent once they're in school and making new friends. Especially if they're not the same gender. You picked a really clever set of examples to highlight the change.

I loved the idea of James being determined to earn a detention just so he and Sirius could spend the time together. Or perhaps he just doesn't want to let Sirius have bragging rights for earning more detentions than him. Either way, the fact that the Slytherins were the victim of the prank that landed Sirius in detention -- as well as the one designed to land James beside him -- was a perfect touch.

Jennifer's crush on the Fifth Year Prefect was another nice touch. At times, she seems quite a bit older than 11 in this chapter, but that crush felt perfectly age-appropriate and situation-appropriate. She's at a brand new school, after all, and she doesn't yet understand how these things work. Having a Third Year sort of lead her along really cemented the situation together. Good stuff.

That, in turn, made for a really believable ice-melting between Jennifer and Lily. I was wondering how you were going to handle that, and I thought this was a great way to go about it. It plays on the traits that Lily is well known for and it didn't feel forced or fake. I really like the core group of female characters you've included here. They're all obviously tied into the books in one way or another.

Three little editing-type things that I noticed while reading:

No one liked the fact that Alex spoiled us whenever he saw us but fact remained that Alex was probably the only family member besides James, Aunt Elizabeth, and Uncle William that truly cared for me. -- but the fact remained

The two of us had long reached the Charms classroom by now so the two of us quickly went inside. -- you repeat "the two of us" in the sentence. It sounds odd.

Namely the fifth year Gryffindor prefect whose best mate happens to be the older brother of Alice Whitaker, a very friendly third year girl with whom Iíve gotten close with. -- "with whom I've gotten close with" reads oddly. I think you have one too many with's.

Otherwise, stellar writing in this chapter. It was a pleasant, easy read and the characters are starting to come along nicely. Good job!

Author's Response: Really, a month DOES just fly by you so quickly!

I'm glad that the break between James and Jennifer made perfect sense. It's been a while since I was eleven years old so I wanted to make sure that a break between them was understandable and made sense.

The crush was something that I had a bit difficulty with. I wasn't sure how I could go about trying to portray that she was still really young no matter what happened.

And Lily was definitely someone that I wanted to portray carefully. Even though Lily had faults, she was still known for her kindness and I wanted to portray the struggle between Jennifer seeing Lily as someone with a lot of faults and knowing what a good person Lily was because Jennifer still had to get over her initial prejudice over Lily's attitude towards James and Sirius.

I will definitely edit those mistakes. Thanks for pointing it out and thanks for reviewing! I hope that my chapters after this one will continue to do well! (:


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