Blasting 'Master Hunter' by Laura Marling whilst I read this, it somehow seems like a fitting song for Edie!
Just a wee typo I noticed - 'I can't even imagine how he's fairing right now' should be faring, as opposed to fairing. Also, just a wee nitpick, but I can't imagine Oliver saying 'wotcher' - it's supposedly a cockney phrase, and one I've never heard in scotland! This is the most minor thing ever to nitpick about, but I imagine he'd say something like 'Alright, Edie?' instead.
I secretly hope Oliver's going to be the one to expose Rose and get Edie the credit she deserves for her writing. Come on Olvier, do me proud!
Can I be really cruel and nitpick over one more thing? Sometimes, your chapters kind of flip-flop between events - like, in this chapter, going from Edie waking up to her recalling the events of the night before. Maybe it's because I read a wee bit too quick, but sometimes I have to go back like, what, is this the same scene? I don't know why I'm bringing this up, because I don't really have an 'answer' for it, but the non-linear way sections are arranged confuses me sometimes. But it doesn't detract from the story at all! I'm really enjoying reading this.
Jae seems nice! Oh dear, Edie's mum. Oh dear. She sounds like the sort of person I'd looove to teach me art...
Heh, I like the jibe about House Elf Lib being like veganism! (No disrespect to vegans generally, only the trendy vegans of tumblr...)
Argh, Edie's mother's already annoying me too! (I've been quite the spiteful little madam in my past few reviews, sincerest apologies). I'm nowhere near Edie's age, but I get so much chat from my Dad, of all people, about marrying up and giving him grandchildren, and even when I tell people my own age that I'd personally like to settle down late and focus on a career first, they always give me this patronising little 'ah, but every woman wants children, you'll be married soon, you see,' AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO TEAR THEIR HEADS OFF. So, poor, poor Edie. I can empathise!
Go eat that doughnut, Edie, you deserve it.
Author's Response: NO THANK YOU. I am seriously, like, terrified of sounding fake-European. Which obviously I am, and the story is going to sound a bit off. But I am so afraid of Edie sounding like this offensive charactature of a British person, like 'OH BLIMEY FISH AND CHIPS TEA AND CRUMPETS THE LIFT AND THE LORRY!' (Okay so that was really offensive, and obviously I don't think that British people sound like that whatsoever, but you get the point.) Anyway, thank you for pointing that out, it was not nitpicking at all. Please feel free to continue to do so, if you notice anything else wrong!
Gah, yeah, also the flip-flopping is a problem. I've never written in the present-progressive tense before, and am still trying to work out the kinks! It's difficult, because sometimes I want Edie to be recalling something from earlier that day, or the previous night, whilst doing something else. But I guess I need to work on making it sound more realistic? I just really hate the use of the ~*~Flashback~*~. I am adding this to the list of things to continue working on ;D Please don't feel nitpicky, you're being so helpful. And I really admire your writing, so it's nice to hear your opinion.
Oh gurl. Don't worry, Hypatia is supposed to be annoying as you-know-what. She's based on my own mother, bless her, or at least one aspect of her. So it was really easy for me to make her annoying xD