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Review:Lululuna says:
Hello, I'm back for your requested review! :) Thank you for re-requesting!

I like how you expanded this to a short story collection, and the idea of exploring how wizards become dark is very interesting, with lots of options for originality.

I like how Draco went from being petty and a bully to realizing there are more serious things going on, and how this transition seemed to be spurred by his father's imprisonment. I feel sorry for him, having to grow up so quickly. However, I think you've got his character spot on here. I loved how he kept referring to "Saint Potter," and could really imagine his lip curling in disgust. It was funny how he noticed Pansy being annoying as well, like this realization is a part of adulthood as well.

I'm really glad you included the attack on Malfoy and his friends on the train, and how he got home. It's funny because it was just a minor mention in the book, but actually would have been quite worrying for Narcissa. That was a great addition, and you explained it very clearly and logically. The mental image of three giant Slytherin slugs in the luggage rack was great as well.

You described Bellatrix's character so well! I like how Draco was creeped out by her, and her strange, manic excitement around Voldy. Well done! :)

Aw, poor Draco not knowing what arm to be branded on! That was a great detail that I enjoyed. I feel sorry for him, as it seems in this chapter that it was circumstance and family which led him to becoming dark, not direct choice the way it was with Grindelwald.

Your characterization was definitely a strong point, and the story flowed very nicely. I would like to see a little more description, and instances of "showing," not "telling," Draco's feelings and environment. A little more physical description would round out the story well, I think. :)

Overall, great work! I'm curious as to who you'll write about next. :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

The idea came to me when I realized that more wizards/witches had gone dark, not just Grindelwald. I have a small selection of dark wizards/witches that are in work.

I had wondered at the end of the OOTP, when the three were found. Though I guess another question could be - were they slugs on the luggage rack in the same compartment as the DA?

I've made notes in my chapter to add more descriptions as well as show Draco's feelings and environment more than telling about them.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!


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