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Review:cypress says:
Hi there! cypress here with your review for the Five Senses Challenge. I'm so terribly sorry for taking so long to get to this. But I'm here now and hoping to get the entries read and reviewed and the results out shortly!

Anyway, thanks for your entry! I think this story is super imaginative. I like your idea of showing us the werewolf's perspective. You've done a great job with your adjectives and clearly had a good sense for the scene as you intended it to play out.

I think as far as constructive criticism, I'd have liked to see a little bit more personification maybe. I spotted a few places where you could have used that or another type of metaphor to express the same idea in fewer words. "I roar, hearing it echo in the lonely forest. It rumbles through my chest and I lift my head up, howling to the full moon; a shrill, piercing sound that resonates throughout the whole grounds." Another way to write this would have been by just describing the roar - something like "A roar rumbles through my chest and escapes as a howl, shrill and piercing." Or something. What I mean is, instead of using "I" as the subject and "roar" as the verb, make your "roar" the subject noun throughout that whole phrase. You did it a bit where you said "It rumbles in my chest," but you could have gone farther with it if you wanted to and it wouldn't have taken away from the scene at all.

Otherwise, I don't have much to say. I think that if you ever decided to flesh this out, you could certainly talk more about the actual transformation. Maybe describe the pain a bit more. But I realize that's not exactly pleasant to write about! ;) Overall though, really nice job. Thanks so much for submitting this! I really enjoyed reading it. :)

x cypress

Author's Response: Hello! You seem to have posted this twice, once on your account and once when you weren't logged in. So I'll just respond to this one, I'm not being rude I swear! :p

No, no, don't apologise for the delay! I completely understand - it takes time and energy to review!

Wow, thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it; I've never seen a Werewolf!Remus one-shot, so I'm glad that it's imaginative. :)

Ah yes, I understand. I probably would have made it a bit longer but I was trying to fit it into the 500 word challenge. But I'll see if I can reword it and shuffle it around. If I don't, please don't take offence to me not changing it, I don't mean to be rude to you or anything! I will try to change it but I have limited time and I hate editing. :p

But I do understand what you're getting at. I'll definitely take on the advice, so thank you! :)

Thank you so much for this review and thank you again for the honourable mention, it means a lot to me!

Glad you enjoyed! :)


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