Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Aphoride says:
Hey there - dropping your requested review off from the forums! I have to say, you've been on a real run with these one-shots, lol. It's pretty impressive ;)

Anyway, I really enjoyed this! I liked how you chose to write from Dean's pov in this, when he and Griphook are on the run, having lost Ted and Dirk and Gornuk. It's such a dangerous, terrifying time and I thought you really brought that to life in this, with the snatchers chasing them, Greyback being there, Scabior only just able to control him, the mention that Ted and the others are dead, killed by the same lot...

I don't know whether it was a conscious choice or not, but I also like the fact that you didn't focus on him thinking about his friends at school, Seamus and the others, or where the trio might be. It sort of subtly brought it home that yeah, while those things are important to him, he has slightly bigger and more real problems than those to face right now.

I thought all the characters were great. They all reminded me a lot of their canon counterparts - Greyback and Scabior especially. Greyback's ruthless, Scabior's in it for the money, and so they don't always agree... but they work together nonetheless. I liked how you had Griphook be scared, before turning to run. It shows how the war is effecting everybody, no matter if you're muggleborn or not.

The mentions of canon details, like the muggle-born registration commission and the list of wanted people were great, too - I like how Dean, like Harry and the trio, tried lying but didn't do very well at it. It shows another dimension to his character and adds detail to him. But it does get him into trouble...

I liked how you ended it as well, with Dean lying on the ground, captured, being transported away to who-knows-where by Snatchers... it's a nice cliff-hanger-style ending (this is the second one, I think, I've seen from you - you're good at these... ;D), but allows us to reattach this segment to canon. It literally is like a missing moment.

The one thing I did think you could perhaps embellish in here is emotion. Dean's going to be scared, pumped up on adrenalin for/from the fight, upset about seeing three people he knew get killed, perhaps worried about Griphook, worried about himself... I just thought there's so much to explore there, maybe you could include a bit more of it? The action's fabulous, though, you don't need to change any of that...

So yeah, I really enjoyed this. Feel free to re-request when you have another one-shot up (tomorrow? lol) or whenever! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello!

I've written quite a few in the last few weeks, haven't I? The challenges on the forums are far too tempting for me to resist :P I also had to take advantage of the amazingly short queue last week! I'll probably wait a bit before bombarding you with more though, just in case you're getting bored of them!

I try and keep to canon as much as possible, so I'm really pleased that the characters reminded you of those in the books. One of the things I wanted to show in this was that the war did affect everyone, but differently. The challenges Dean faced that year probably outweighed the thoughts of his friends. That's not to say he didn't think of them, of course, but he had more important things to deal with.

I'm really pleased you liked the ending! I had a few different ideas about where to end this, but I did want to make this into a missing moment. We know what happens afterwards, when Harry is captured and they're taken to Malfoy Manor. But at this point, Dean didn't know that everything would be okay for him, and I wanted to get that idea across.

I did try and put some emotion into this story, but I probably concentrated on the action more while I wrote this, so I'll look back over this and try and improve that aspect.

Thank you so much for yet another amazing review!

Sian :)


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 442
Submit Report: