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Review:CambAngst says:
Hi! ☺

I am really impressed with the amount of attention you're giving to Mia and Aidan's life spanning the muggle and magical worlds. It's one of those things that far too many authors gloss over or avoid dealing with entirely. You started with simple little things like library books and electricity and then you really dug into more complicated things like trying to get a child to understand the Statute of Secrecy. It's a challenge I wouldn't envy any parent. As Mia says, it's a really good thing that Aidan is a bright, observant child.

Mia's own life dilemma were also brought out really well. I can tell that you've spend your fair share of time around single mothers. It's such a tough existence, especially for somebody like Mia whose chosen profession doesn't lend itself to long-term, stable employment situations. But she's completely dedicated to doing what's best for her son, and it really helped to define her character that she's willing to sacrifice her photography and possibly settle for something less glamorous if it allows Aidan to have stronger roots.

I like the way that you've taken the familiar things about Oliver from the books and evolved them into the professional persona of a top-tier Quidditch coach. The explanation of the different meaning that winning and losing has at this level was really well done. So was the tone you set for the management of the team and the pressures that Oliver operates under. He clearly manages those pressures well, though, and uses them to motivate himself and his team. Very nicely done!

I'm still working on figuring out where Oliver's sister fits into all of this, but I like her as a character. Somebody has to keep these high-flying broom jockeys grounded in reality! ;)

A few typos I noticed, if you like:

"I know how crumby it is that you can't tell your friends about some of the stuff that you're most excited about. -- crummy, I think

He was just about to call an end to the drill when he looked down the pitch and saw Claire making he way toward him. -- making her way

The Gryffindor team used to marvel at how worked up he could. -- could get

"Alright," he started as they collapses around him. -- collapsed

And finally, my favorite line of the chapter: She wasnít happy with sending an owl out unless it was a perfectly sunny day. Because England got so many of those. -- I love it when you hate on British weather.

Nice second chapter. You kept the story moving, gave a lot more definition to your characters and their lives, and kept me interested. Looking forward to seeing how Oliver, Mia and Aidan interact at the match!

Author's Response: Hii Dan with the cool smiley face!!!

I knew I wanted to make Mia part of both worlds but favor the Muggle, which we'll learn more about later. But trying to figure out just where to draw that line has been tricky... so I figured I'd jut blur it instead :P.

I'm so happy you could tell how dedicated Mia was to Aidan. I can't imagine being anything but when you're a single mother, but she also has the downfall of not really having much family to help her. She'd definitely had to get a lot stronger and harder than most 27 year old women, but I think she'd say it was worth it ;).

You know how much I hate writing Quidditch. I can't for the life of me figure out why Oliver HAD to be who I chose, but he was the only one that felt like he'd really work with Mia. Let's see how many games I can creatively avoid writing for this :P!

You're still working on where her sister fits? I thought you'd for sure have picked up on the clues I gave in this chapter! Maybe they were too subtle. well, regardless you'll find out next chapter ;).

I have edited in your typos! See, look, I've tricked you into being my beta anyway :P! hahahahahaa.

I'm so excited you liked this chapter and that the characters are becoming more defined. I really want to give everyone a strong sense of who Mia and Oliver are separately before seeing how they fit together.

Thank you for another awesome review ♥


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