Two completely unrelated things before I begin the review:
1) I love your siggy and icon on the forums! Just sayin.
2) Also, who is the guy in glasses in the banner? Is it Joe Jonas? Haha. :P
Okay, review time. Sorry about that. :P
Ooh, I wonder who she's gonna fall in love with! It definitely can't be Al. ;P
Haha, anyway, it was a really good first chapter. I think it was the perfect way to start. The chapter ended well and it definitely made me excited to read more of the story (so don't forget to request the next chapter, you!)
I didn't catch a whole lot of grammar mistakes, other than using "there's" instead of "their's". Other than that, you're good. The flow was also pretty good. You transitioned from "I see dead people" to "back in the day" to "present day" seamlessly and for that, I salute you. :)
I was kind of disappointed that she hadn't told Chris about seeing dead people or whatever. I feel like she and Chris are fairly close and that she would have told him. I mean, I know it would be hard saying "Hey Chris how's your day been? By the way, I see dead people, please don't have me committed" but you know. They're twins! They should share this information with each other. Unless she has a really good reason for not sharing this particularly important piece of information with her only sibling (that I know of anyway), I feel like he should find out eventually.
I'm really glad you requested this, because I really, really, REALLY love Al/OCs. They're my favorite. If an original character ship could be an OTP, this would be my OTP. Albus is always adorable. No matter what. I just. Ugh. You know? :P
Anyway. Back on topic.
I liked all of the characters. I think that they all fit well together and have really great chemistry, even though I didn't really get to see a whole lot of it.
This was a really good start, and I really hope you found this helpful.
If you have any questions, feel free to message me on the forums, and I'll be sure to answer them. I'm sure, I left something out even though this review is like ten thousand words long. :P
Bye! (Be sure to request the next chapter!)
Author's Response: Hello, there!
My signature is wonderful! The artist is very talented, and I just adore that quote so much! And yeah, that's Joe Jonas. I don't really like him, but he fit the physical bill quite well, surprisingly!
I'm still a little undecided on the romance, so it may or may not be Al. You never know... although it most likely will be.
I'm a bit of a grammar nazi, so I have a list of all the mistakes that must be fixed in the first chapter - which I must fix sometime soon! I'm really happy to hear that you thought it flowed well and that the finish was really strong, because the finish is kinda what will make people read more!
Ellie not telling Chris about her abilities definitely has an impact on their relationship, and it's explored later in the story. It's gonna be... interesting, that part.
Al/OCs are actually so much fun! He is so adorable! I tried to make him a little different to the way I've seen him portrayed a lot of the times, so I hope that worked for you!
I love this review so much, that I'm going to go request a review for chapter two right now! This was so wonderful and encouraging, and I truly thank you for that!