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Review:ginnys twin says:
Nice! One thing you did really well was making this relate able. A lot of the things in here from the droning class to unwanted pity are something a lot of people experience on day to day bases (or at least I do.)

one thing I would work on would be putting something between time changes. A lot of stories on this site have little markings like *** or or &&& to signal time change or setting change. Since I'm used to that, I thought Hermione had lessons straight after dinner. So my suggestion would be to add those marks in.

You might also want to seperate people talking. Just make each person talking a new paragraph. It makes it much easier to follow the conversation without saying who said what every time.

I also saw you are a bit new. Feel free to ask me any questions you have via PM. I go by katty01 on the forums. Hope to see you around!

-Krissy

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, it really helps me a lot! yes I am a newbie, so if I could ask you some questions on the forum that would be great. when I re-do this chapter I'll add all the tips you gave me. Btw I have not abandoned this story, I've just been away for a few days!

rickmanfanatic :)


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