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Review:patronus_charm says:
Hey there Bethany, I’m popping over from the review tag!

I really felt for Daphne in this chapter she was so flustered and panicky and I was starting to feel that too. In fact, I think anyone would if they knew a whole load of Death Eaters were coming to their café. Then there was this line which was definitely not true – ‘he plain, dumpy woman in a fluffy jumper and jeans;’ I think Daphne’s a lovely person and it’s the inside which counts not the out.

I really liked the contrast you created between Astoria and Daphne. I was a bit unsure of Astoria at first but now she’s really growing on me. I think she has this lovely, lively energy and you wouldn’t have thought someone could be so calm with the imminent arrival of possible Death Eaters. It was funny to see her and Daphne’s contrasting reactions to it though.

There was a typo here ‘erShShe was looking’ :)

Pansy’s characterisation was, again, great. Her dialogue really matched what you would expect of someone of her standing so that perfectly complimented the overall effect. She seems really superficial and I hate people like that. Yet, she’s one of those people who I hate so much and find annoying that I’m beginning to like her.

How dare Pansy start questioning Eleanor! She’s really grown on me, and I always liked the little interactions in the café so I hope Pansy’s not planning anything horrible. But this line ‘“You’ll see, Daphne, sweetie,” she promised.‘ doesn’t give me all that much hope. I think it was the patronising ‘sweetie’ on the end which really added to my suspicion.

The only CC I have is the lack of separation between dashes and words. As it appeared frequently I wondered whether you were doing it on purpose but I figured I would point a couple of places where you did it just in case here – ‘and- to Daphne’s relief- Astoria’ and ‘Daphne paused- she had forgotten about Eleanor.’ Other than that it was amazing, and that was only a tiny thing!

Ooh what a cliff-hanger to leave us on, I’m waiting in anticipation to see what on earth could happen! It was a great chapter ♥

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hey Kiana! Finally getting round to responding to your fabulous review! (I always take so long, I'm sorry!)

I'm glad that you found Daphne's reactions believable - Haha, I agree that she needs some self-esteem coaching :P

Yeah, Astoria and Daphne are pretty different... Although she's much less serious, I think she's actually far better grounded that Daphne is - hence why she can stay calm even with the threat of all the wannabe Death Eaters!

Oh gosh, I don't know how I missed that typo! Thanks for spotting it!

You wouldn't believe how glad I am that you're enjoying Pansy's characterisation, and that she seems realistic! Haha yes I sort of like her too in a you're-an-evil-manipulative-criminial kind of way!

More on Pansy and Eleanor in later chapters :P

Oh okay - yeah I am a bit lazy about putting the extra space in with hyphens. I'll try and edit that at some point!

I do like a good cliffhanger! Thank you again for another one of your amazing reviews! ♥

-Bethany


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