First of all, as you can tell I was totally selfish and stole you for my review partner for the exchange this month. But this review for the my thread and not the exchange, so yeah. Hi! haha!
Your lesson with the first years was really creative. I love when people work with magic and don’t just ignore such an important part of the HP world. You threaded through enough stuff we know, like the sort of things they learn as first years, but still make it your own and that’s just awesome. Seeing Emily a bit happier than usual was really nice, and I really liked the look into her past as a first year.
She seemed to really enjoy sort of getting to show off, even simple magic, and the sort of pleasure it brought the first years. All in all this was just a very cute way to start out the chapter.
I loved that you had McGonagall going in there to sort of check on Emily. It seemed like she knew that Emily was having a hard time adjusting and wanted to remind her how much they appreciated having her there, and sort of just remind her that she was doing well.
With your questions regarding her, I think you did great with Minerva! She was friendly but not too friendly, seemed to get to her point quickly, said what she wanted to say and that was it. She obviously cares about Emily but you didn’t make it seem overbearing or anything like that.
I was happy to see Michelle come back in, and no, I don’t think it was too short at all! I mean, how much can you really write about a getting drunk in a pub night? First of all, with the drinks you gave her, Emily was and should be feeling fuzzy. So letting the night sort of blend together and go by quickly felt that mood. It would have been nice to maybe have just a bit of reluctance on Emily’s part about going in the first place though. Just because she seems almost depressed lately, and that usually makes it even harder to go out. Maybe when she gets the note she can want to say no but realize that she’d have fun, and just not be quite so quick to jump on the offer but of course end up going.
I think Michelle will be a good reminder throughout of the person Emily used to be, and I’m excited to learn more about their friendship!
Your dialogue (grammatically) has some errors. I’ll point those out incase you want to go back and edit or anything :). but apart from that, it sounds great!
Transfiguration,” She says,
-- lowercase S
“She’s scary,” The girl next to me whispers.
“Oh Headmistress! You startled me,” My heart is racing from the sudden shock.
--period instead of comma
taught an exemplary lesson this morning,” She says
yourself a lot this year,” She continues,
“I never doubted you would succeed,” McGonagall smiles kindly at me;
“It’s busy tonight,” She comments.
“To old friends and new beginnings,” She smiles
if you’re free.” She says.
--comma and lowercase S
free for New Year’s.” I reply.
Argus,” We both pull face
--period instead of comma
Awesome chapter, Bec! Can’t wait to come back (very soon) to do some review exchange reviews!