Hey! Here for your requested review from the forums!
Wow, this surely seems like an interesting story. I love a good murder mystery and yours seems to be exactly that.
You've utilised this first chapter to its full potential, setting up the scene and the plot really well, and definitely know how to keep your readers interested. Your descriptions throughout were very vivid and beautiful, and haunting in a way, and I loved them. They really added to the tone of the narrative.
It's difficult to comment on the characters in depth just yet since we were only introduced to them, but so far it seems pretty good. You have nailed Sirius, Regulus, Barty, Bellatrix, Narcissa etc.'s characterisations. They're close to canon and yet have this mysterious air around them that there's something more to them which you as an author will unfold in upcoming chapters, so that's great. I like how Barty suggest about the murder though and seems relaxed, and Druella is so upset and yet strange. You've really created suspense very well, it's impossible to say who's innocent and who's not. Pollux and Orion are also well-portrayed, exactly like how I'd imagine them to be, and I am curious to see how they handle the will stuff.
As I said before, the plot seems highly interesting. The discrepancy in the will, the sudden death, no blood, the entire family being at dinner, it all adds to the tension and seems like a great buildup so I am very excited to know how the plot unfolds. Great work on setting everything so well in the first chapter itself!
The pace is perfect, I think. We don't need too much to happen all at once, and nothing at all to happen either, so you seem to be maintaining the balance - not too slow and not too fast.
All in all, I don't have any CC for you. Your writing style is really good, the plot seems interesting, the characters are intriguing, and the grammar/spelling is good.
P.S. Feel free to re-request!
Author's Response: Hey there, so glad to see you stopping by! :)
I'm so glad you think it worked as a first chapter - I tried writing it with the actual death itself included and found it impossible, so this was a sort of compromise, I guess, and I had no idea if it would work or not.
Yeah, a lot of Black family members are so unknown it's hard to say how they would react, but I'm glad you liked them! And wow - thanks so much! I'm so happy you liked Sirius, Reg. etc. Particularly Narcissa and Lucius since I love the way you write them! :)
Thank you! I'm so nervous about maintaining it into the later chapters - but we'll see what happens, I guess ;) I'm glad you like it - I did wonder if people would find the will business boring, but that doesn't seem to have been a problem.
Pace is perfect?! Oh my gosh! Thank you so so much! I've literally never been told this before (I'm usually too slow!) so thank you so much for that! :) :D
Again, and I seem to have said this so often in this response so I'm sorry, but thank you for this! This was such a great review and I'm literally blown away by it! :)