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Review:AlexFan says:
I think Dom is my favourite character out of everyone so far. There's just something about her that makes me like her. She's so sassy but she doesn't push it but at the same time she's nice.

When Dom asked Ally if there was anything else that she should know about and Ally said nothing I could not help but just sit here with my mouth hanging open because, hello, yes there's more! How about the fact that two of Dom's cousins could be the babies father! I'd say that's something that Dom needs to know and is important to mention!

What I didn't really understand was why Ally didn't just enlarge her shirt when it didn't fit. I mean, her bursting into tears was perfectly in line with her being pregnant and her hormones acting up (or maybe pregnant people don't just burst into tears for reasons like that and I've watched too much friends). That being said, Dom and Ally are witches, they've got wands and magic at their disposal. They're at school and can use magic, surely one of them would've thought to use and Enlarging Charm or something like that.

If I was Ally, I would be extremely suspicious of my dad using the term "love" with a fellow teacher. I would be wondering what he was up to and I'd snooping through his things to see if there was anything going on. Then again, maybe I just like sticking my nose in people's business and I want to know everything.

I'd also suggest reading the entire chapter over and fixing some grammatical errors that caught my eye. One thing that was really bothering me was this sentence in particular:

"Rose Weasley: Dom, James and Fred's cousin came in with a book in her hand."

The use of a colon is to make an abrupt ending and that sentence was anything but abrupt. Personally, I would take out the colon and replace it with brackets so that the sentence ended up looking like this:

"Rose Weasley (Dom, James and Fred's cousin) came in with a book in her hand."

There was also a line where Dom was talking to Ally (at least I think that's what it was) and there wasn't any quotation mark to say that Dom had stopped talking so when I kept reading it sounded strange to me and I had to go back and re-read the paragraph because I thought I'd read something wrong.

Anyway, not a bad chapter, you left off with a good cliffhanger and I liked everyone's reaction to the news about Al.

Author's Response: Hey,

Dom is my favourite as well especially since I'm trying to write her different to my other Dom's.

You're right but Ally didn't exactly think it was the best place to tell Dom that which is why she didn't.

Neither of them thought of it and the engorgement charm makes think swell rather than stretch.

Haha, Ally's preoccupied with her pregnancy but there is some snooping to come.

Thanks for pointing that out. I re-read it but I couldn't find the line you were speaking of, which one was it?

Thanks again!!

-Potterfan310
Soph x



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